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The Diary of Doris White Hastings
1919-1926
We are fortunate to have as an available resource the diary of Doris
White Hastings, a student at Shiloh. She grew up on the hilltop during the years of Mr.
Sandford's incarceration, and was admitted to the Bible Class upon Mr. Sandford's release
from prison in the fall of 1918 when that group of students that would become known in
Kingdom annals as "The Forty" was first formed.
We have two introductions to the diary. The
first is from Arnold White, Doris's brother. A student at Shiloh, he had been away in
Europe fighting the "Huns" between 1917-1918. Years later, in his bookThe
Almighty and Us , he would write the following, which we now utilize as the first
introduction to this section. The second is from her son, Floyd Hastings, which
immediately follows Arnold's words.
Elsewhere on the website, a copy of
her letter to John Sandford is posted, and written about 11 years
after her last diary entry here.
"My sister Doris tells of hearing a sermon by Mr. Sandford, his text, "Strive to
enter into the Strait Gate," Luke 13:24. As was so often his wont he bore down upon
the hell and damnation fate of him who failed to comply. He was helped by some marginal
note or other interpretation of the King James version: "Strive as in an agony,"
it might be translated. A very sensitive and impressionable little girl, Doris found she
didn't know how to "strive as in an agony." Weeping in her distress, she sought
out Enid, nearly four years her senior. But Enid could not help her troubled sister. Doris
must carry the nagging burden of the fears of her awful fate since she did not know how to
"strive" properly to enter into the strait gate, "for many. . .will seek to
enter in, and shall not be able." I vividly remember two young women, still in their
teens, kneeling side by side in prayer against the flesh life either in themselves or an
associate, screaming their stepped-up rage and throwing every ounce of will power into
resisting of the evil, their tensions finding relief in rapid clapping of their extended
hands as they could sense evil spirits fleeing before their violent onslaught.
In her teens, Doris began having almost constant headaches which never let up even in
adult years. Specialists in later years were never been able to find a cause. At Shiloh no
amount of prayer could change it, and she must suffer there without benefit of aspirin or
any other aid to relief from pain. Many years later, by then the mother of three children,
she broke from the Shiloh regimen and found some relief in use of analgesics, not allowed
in the Kingdom.
In her adult years Doris had to work long hours to support her family, which she managed
in spite of pain. Medics offer tenseness as one cause of headaches. Could those early
years of fear and constant threat of divine disfavor have established nerve tensions which
would never let go?
Young people sensitive about their own position with the Almighty were constantly urged to
keep in a condition to sense the presence of God. "At times," Doris has told me,
"we thought we did, but more often than not we were under strain, wondering why God
was not 'real to our consciousness." Nobody knew what was the "unpardonable
sin." If God was not "real," could He have withdrawn His favor? "How
do I know I have not committed the unpardonable sin?" Many an over-conscientious soul
had suffered tortures of the damned over this possibility. (Matt. 12:32.) I can see that
lovely young woman, always in pain, always in fear, sitting on the steps leading off the
terrace toward Olivet--as she had told it--wishing she had "never been born."
Dear Reader:
This diary of my mother’s covers
the year 1919 and part of 1920. In 1919, Doris was 27 years old. She was living at Shiloh
and was a member of the last Bible School which was known as "The 40". At that
time, Mr. Sandford’s son, John, was the head of the school. Doris was considered the
"spiritual leader" of The 40.
As the diary begins, Doris’
parents, Wendell and Annie, are running the "Old Ladies Home", about a mile
distant from Shiloh. Brother Arnold, serving in the 317th Battalion, is still in France
despite the First World War having ended the previous November. Her sister Enid, now
married to Floyd Clark, is living at Shiloh. Sister Avis is also a member of The 40.
Doris, along with the rest of The 40,
is attending a convention at Elim, the Boston headquarters of the Kingdom. I can
only guess, from what she wrote, that a combination of mental, spiritual and physical
stress caused her to suddenly decide to take the train out to her Aunt Neve's in
Worcester. And doing so without the consent of Mr. Sandford. Since her ‘teens’ ,
Doris had been plagued by continuous headaches which, due to the beliefs of the movement
at that time, could not be relieved by any kind of pain killers.
My mother speaks often of Mr.
Hastings. As one of the ministers, he often counseled her and prayed with her. It appears
that she was often very troubled, not only by her headaches, sometimes very severe, but
also her feelings of inadequacy when it came to spiritual matters. The reader will notice
that she was a very sensitive and conscientious person.
Floyd E. Hastings
DORIS (WHITE) HASTINGS DIARY
Tuesday, March 25, 1919
Pressed beyond measure, most extreme suffering for a week or more, felt
as though I could not possibly go on. I made up my mind I would have to go and I wrote
Aunt Neve. An awful night, head paining fearfully. An awful step to take, seemed like
stepping into hell.
Wednesday, March 26
Mr. Sandford is in the room, arrived night before last. Fearful
suffering. I left while they were at dinner. I arrived in Worcester about 8 pm. Aunt Neve
& Uncle Ed were away until midnight. The landlady said she had no room for me. I went
to Aunt Neve's room to wait. Later I went to the attic. I felt the horrors of the
tribulation and no protection, no shepherd. Aunt Neve & Uncle Ed came up about 1
o'clock. Aunt Neve took me into bed with her. An awful night, worry and pain.
Thursday, March 27
A telephone call from Enid telling of Mr. Sandford's having her and
Avis in his room until after midnight, prayed for me, felt God said, "Bring". He
told Enid to tell me he wanted me to come back. Said he felt that I was not a quitter but
stolen by the devil, true to hearts core. He would have helped me if I had told him I was
pressed. In the afternoon Aunt Neve stayed home from work and took me to a specialist, Dr.
Hatrower. A special delivery letter from Enid came at night. I could not sleep much. I was
awfully worried for fear Mr. Sandford would feel I should come soon and I did not see how
I could as I had put myself under obligation to Aunt Neve before having any idea I could
or would go back and she not willing I should go until I had been treated and fitted to
glasses and visited her a while---having a change.
Friday, March 28
I sent letters to Enid and Mr. Sandford on that subject. I mailed a
letter to Mr. Hastings. and sent Avis chocolate. Went shopping. Letter from Papa at night.
Mailed a letter to him. Uncle Ed and Aunt Neve just as kind to me as they can be, give me
every possible attention. I am suffering spiritually but making the most of the
circumstances.
Saturday, March 29
Received a letter from Enid. Wrote a letter to her and a note to Mr.
Hastings and to Herbert (Jenkins). Aunt Neve and I went down town and bought ferris waist
and dishes and material for fudge. In the evening we went to a Chinese restaurant and had
chop suey, etc.
Sunday, March 30
I wrote to Arnold, Avis, Aunt Edith, Mama & Papa. Made fudge. I
went for a walk twice.
Monday, March 31
A letter from Avis. Mailed fudge to Papa & Mama. Went shopping.
Made fudge. In the evening Aunt Neve told me about her operation.
Tuesday, April 1, 1919
Received a letter from Enid with a letter enclosed from Herbert
(Jenkins), Mr. Hastings, Avis and Aunt Edith. In pm I bought an alarm clock , outing
flannel and hair pins. I met Uncle Ed and Aunt Neve at 6pm at the arcade and was
introduced to Mr. Charles Haskell. We went to a Chinese Restaurant. He came up to Aunt
Neve's room in the evening. He is a good Christian man. Aunt Neve said that he said he
never met a sweeter girl than I. When going to bed Uncle Ed gave me $2.00. I suffered much
during the day.
Wednesday, April 2
Washed my hair. Mailed fudge to Avis. Looked at hats. Paid down $1.00
and had a hat laid aside. I go Friday noon to get it. A nice sailor hat was given Aunt
Neve for me by a girl in the shop. Mailed letter to Papa and Mama. Aunt Neve gave me
$10.00 to go to the Doctor's tomorrow. Aunt Neve gave me a white apron and a fancy cap. I
bought some sweet bakers chocolate.
Thursday, April 3
Went to doctor's. He seems to think main trouble is with nerves. Entire
nervous system out of order would cause pain and strained feeling of eyes, etc. He says I
should have lots of self confidence, should go to the Doctor and get at root of the
trouble. Mailed letters to Aunt Edith and to Arnold. I went shopping for indelible ink,
dye soap, rubber heels, shoe strings and a towel. It is now 1 o'clock in the morning and I
have been in too deep distress to go to bed. I have written a long letter to Mr. Sandford.
Friday, April 4
I mailed a letter to Mr. Sandford and Avis. Received a letter from Aunt
Edith and mailed one to her. I bought the new hat. Also stockings, etc. Took a long walk.
I went with Uncle Ed to a Mechanic's Hall to a lecture by a man who traveled in France and
took pictures. He showed moving pictures of France, devastated France and all sorts of war
scenes, going over the top*, etc. Very interesting. Uncle Ed
bought a box of chocolates and treated me and gave the box to me after we came home. I
packed in some sweet chocolate and did it up to send to Enid.
*Referring to climbing out of the trenches. FEH
Saturday, April 5
I mailed a box of chocolate to Enid. Got French chocolate with whipped
cream for my breakfast. Aunt Neve went with me to Dr. Harrower's in the afternoon. Then to
Freeman's where Dr. Harrower talked with Aunt Neve and told her he did not know anything
about that girl but that he thought he had me sized up pretty well, that he had not been
in that business all his life for nothing. He said I ought to live a natural, normal life,
happy, not worrying, etc. She asked him if he had done all he could for me. He said, no,
but that it wasn't much use to doctor symptoms. He said my eyes were just a symptom and
that I should go to Dr. Baker and have a thorough going over, then come back to him. I
asked Mr. Freeman to lend me some glasses to read with, to try. He changed my glasses and
lent me others for a week or ten days to try. After supper we went to the Post Office but
the place Aunt Neve wanted was closed. Then they trotted all around with me trying to find
rubber things to put on bows behind my ears. Uncle Ed very tired. Nice long letter from
Avis at night. So glad to get it.
Sunday, April 6
Went for a long walk after breakfast. Aunt Neve & Uncle Ed bought
nut fudge and velvet kisses last night, and sweet chocolate for me this morning. I read a
fearful war story. Wrote and mailed a letter to Arnold. Aunt Neve spoke to me in my room
about my going ( back to) the Kingdom. I told her I did not believe I could go, etc. She
assured me they would be glad to keep me but wanted me to do just as I desired myself. I
told her I thought I had better go back---that I did not want to leave in the first place,
etc. I felt relieved after that and my heart was lighter. She asked me to promise her that
I would wear my glasses. I told her I did not think there was any question but what I
could wear them all right.
Monday, April 7
Had a sleepless night---mind running like a machine. Did not get up
until 11 am. Head pained fearfully all afternoon but I did some washing and ironing. Got a
letter from Aunt Edith and one from Enid. A thunder shower drove me into Aunt Neve's room.
Tuesday, April 8
Mailed a letter to Arnold on the afternoon mail and one to Avis this
evening. Wrote to Post asking when Arnold will be coming home.*
It's now 12 AM, have been in bed for some time, mind going like a wound up machine.
Compelled to rise and light up** and do something. It is now 1:30am. I have written a
letter to Mr. Sandford
*Brother Arnold is in the Army in France. FEH
** Light the lamp FEH
Wednesday, April 9 A letter came from Avis. I wrote her this
morning. Day of awful suffering, especially in evening and after going to bed. Wanted to
write to Mr. Sandford again but feared to send another to him. Aunt Neve awfully tired at
night. I spoke of how bad my head was and how it pained worse with new glasses on. She
asked again if I could not be treated at hospital if I went back to Elim. I told her no
and that I could not be treated anywhere as long as I was going back, would have been
different if I had been staying but now I was going back I did not want to do anything
they would not approve of. She said then there was no sense in my going to the doctor and
I said that was what I told her that I hated to have her go to the expense when I would
not take medicine anyway. She brought home a house dress and black skirt a lady gave her
for me.
Thursday, April 10
I arose at 10 feeling too bad to even take my bath. Went to the shop
for dinner for the first time. Tongue, 5 cents, potato, 5 cents, 2 slices bread and
butter, 5 cents, corn, 5 cents, cocoa, 5 cents, lemon pie, 10 cents, 35 cents. I
watched Aunt Neve's girls work*. One little Jewish girl told
Aunt Neve she thought I was very pretty.
A call from Mr. Gleason in the afternoon on his evangelistic trip through
Mass. I gave him 50 cents. He called again in the evening and talked a little with Uncle
Ed and Aunt Neve. He then went out to find a room for the night. My 50 cents paid for his
room. He called the next morning before leaving.
*Aunt Neve had no children. Doris must be referring to girls working
under Aunt Neve at her place of work. FEH
Friday, April 11
Wrote and mailed a letter to Aunt Edith tonight. Received letters from
Aunt Edith. Also letter from Avis with letter enclosed from Herbert (Jenkins) urging me to
come home. Went in pm and asked doctor about wearing glasses steady, told him my head
pained worse with them on than without them. He said he was glad something was going on
and told me to wear glasses steady for 3 weeks and then see him again.
Saturday, April 12
Received a letter in am from Mr. Sandford. I told Aunt Neve I had best
go home that day. She felt very bad and talked to me with tears in her eyes. She said she
should cry all day the next day. We went and got Uncle Ed and they went and bought me a
suit for $22.00. Aunt Neve hemmed it up. They came home (to Elim) with me, paying my fare
and gave me $5.00. When they were leaving, Mr. Sandford came out and talked with them. His
heart went out to them very much. He had me come back to his room where all Elim were
assembled having their supper together. He told them about my Aunt & Uncle and then
prayed a long and fine prayer for them and others followed, Miss Dart, etc. He invited
them to the convention. When I went in he introduced me and had people get up to give Avis
and me chairs. He talked at length about the difference between a quitter and one captured
by the devil as he felt was the case with me. He spoke of my integrity and love for him
and of my being a warrior and the leader of the Bible School and so it was natural that
Satan should charge on me while he was away and pick off the finest warrior. He said he
had as much regard for me as for any of the Coronet Company, etc. He said it took
patience, skill, love and tenderness and yet firmness to deal with such a case until they
came out of all the barbed wire entanglements, all the snares. He did not know as there
was any snare in this case. He said he was mighty glad to have me back. After the meeting
I asked him to forgive me and he said he did not feel that he had anylthing to forgive me
for. That he did not like to hear me say anything about being forgiven or being sorry. He
said if two wicked men got me by force and ruined my life, when I got back again would he
blame me?, etc.He said he would treat me tenderly, that I had done nothing wrong. And if I
had in this case, he had yet to sense it.
Sunday, April 13
Mr. Sandford had Bible school at 10:30 on the life of Saul--talked
about disobedience. He said he was awakened early that morning feeling a peculiar joy and
flow of oil but did not know what could be the meaning of it, unless it was my homecoming
or------. He had afternoon meeting.
Monday, April 14
Mr. Sandford began to have meetings with us from 6 to 7 a.m. seeking
outpouring of the Spirit. We stayed right there and had day of fasting and waiting on God
together. Mr. Sandford would not touch a glass of hot milk they brought him, even though
he was cold and faint because he wanted to go through it with us. He talked to us
serioulsy about "removing the coverning"---"each one of us" has been
commissioned to do it ourselves. We prayed out our hearts earnestly . Later he talked to
us about lives layed down, being God's man or God's woman, wanting nothing but just what
God wants, staying in meeting until He is through with us and on the line of fasting, not
to think we were doing a big thing if we fasted sometimes. He said we ought to fast and
wait on the Lord one day each week. He talked about being martyrs, said Miss Scott was a
life laid down and Mr. Hoad was also. He spoke of our going out of meetings and disturbing
them. He said the devil would make us think we had to when we we did not. He said he
stayed on his knees for hours. He prayed for us and then we waited on God in silence. I
went through a real process of soul and was enabled to chose and to believe. Later he said
he could feel us all over the room deliberately making the choice and laying our lives
down--surrendering and melting and he said over and over to himself, "Dear little
Bible School and Dear Shiloh". He said Shiloh were lives layed down and "dear
movement" In the 3 o'clock hour he talked about Jesus in that hour being our
consecration. He told me that whatever my weakness was that caused
me to do as I did it was all layed on Jesus and He was our strength and our
consecration---I did not need to fear ever failing again. Jesus our sin offering in 9
o'clock meeting would keep us until the next one and the same with 3 to 4. That evening,
Herbert's (Jenkins) friend received the Holy Spirit. He asked us if we all had. He said
the Holy Spirit would cause us to do right. He told the Bible School we needed to honor
Him and love Him and get acquainted with Him. He spoke of it being an awful thing to do
anything not in the Spirit. In the pm he had us read Song of Solomon and told us that
after that God said, "Go forth", to him for the Bible School. That we did not
need to fear because when He puts forth His sheep He goes before them.
Tusday, April 15
Mr. Sandford said he was watching us to see whether we went forth or
not. One way to go forth was to get there in our prayers, close in. He said we ought not
to pray one prayer when we did not get the thing we were after. He told of how he had
prayed for people as he was out walking. He spoke of our not being occupied with the
little things we were doing---the practical things were all right but we should be
removing the covering or going forth while we were doing them.
Wednesday, April 16
I have been suffering through the day but had a good time in the turret
during the 6 to 7 hour, praying with Esther Wiley and Lena Marstaller.
Thursday, April 17
Mr. Sandford is wearied by the prayers in the early meeting, lack of
oil, not annointed prayers. He told us we needed to have a loving interest in each other
and be just as much interested in the other person receiving as in ourselves. Not a time
for a prayer service for workers on the field, etc. Mrs. Sandford uneasy because he kept
meetings after 7. She thought we ought to be out taking our walks. He said we should want
nothing but just what God wants; not care anything about breakfast or anything.
After meeting he talked with me. I talked out freely to him about
feeling that I lost my Nazariteship in running to Enid's room because I liked to go. And
then I did just what I had critisized her for, talked about Lila (Hulse) to her. He made
me understand that it was wrong to do so---utter disgust for women's gab, etc. One point I
got off on, he said. Also that I got off in going to hospital without consulting him. I
told him I felt that really in my heart I feared he might not feel right about it---and he
took it right up and finished it for me and said I wanted to go whether God wanted me to
go or not---that I did not want to know what God wanted---that I preferred to go to
someone who did not see clearly, etc. He made me feel that that was an awful thing to do,
etc. And that was another place where I got off. Such an important question as going to
consult a doctor---that it should be taken up and prayed over. He said I missed the
meeting with the others at 9 and met a worldly element and I was weak anyway and that gave
the devil a chance to get in his work.
Another thing, I did not have proper appreciation for Mrs. Sandford. He said I needed her
maternal interest. He said I took more to him. He said it was natural for a girl to take
more to her father and a boy to a mother but that he, complete , was himself and she was
too. He said I liked his warrior aspect---said he had exactness which Mrs. Sandford did
not have and that I had exactness. He said my face looked as though I had been purified
through the suffering. Next thing, I turned to my relatives outside and then I went out
into the world. He said I could be mighty thankful I got back---just the mercy of God. He
prayed for me and then I prayed and I cried and I told him I could not 'believe' and he
prayed again and then I got through.
He gave me some breakfast. I asked him if he wanted me to go now but he
said I could do just as I desired. One thing he said was that I was apt to be narrow and
bound up and that he was somewhat that way but that Mrs. Sandford was not that way. So I
stayed and the Holy Spirit and Calvary were very real. In the pm Esther (Sandford) and I
prayed for Shiloh, etc. A letter came from Aunt Edith.
Friday, April 18
Mrs. Sandford led the early morning service. Mr. Sandford came into 9
o'clock meeting. He was all melted and broken. He read signiture of Emma's letter with
tears in his eyes. It read, "From one who chooses to be a martyr". He spoke so
tenderly of her, that he was so thankful for every bit of character that was showing up
anywhere. He cried as he prayed and felt as though he didn't have it in him to do do
anything to help anyone. He was all worn out and broken up. He talked to us about keeping
close to him and keeping close together, laying down our lives for each other---must not
let anything get in between, go to the person in love and get help if necessary but must
not get a root of bitterness---love our enemies. He said it was so awful to have a root of
bitterness toward martyrs. Ours were lives laid down and we could'nt afford to be unloving
and get separated.
He said the days are so awful. Not to talk about each other, no good
when we do that, shut our mouths and pray until our hearts are mellow and we believe for
the person, not go to them until we are loving towards them. Love covers a multitude of
sins. Cover up each other's faults, so awful to expose them when we talked about people
behind their backs. We were untrue to them and should confess it if we did. We shouldn't
smile to their faces and talk behind their backs---must keep together---we injure
ourselves when we talk---that gossip is so unutterably awful. He spoke of how he could
feel the awful hatred against him getting more and more awful, that he wouldn't be
surprised if he was in a cave before long, with all kinds of inconveniences. He said if we
wanted to be with him we would have to go into a cave. He said we ought to appreciate a
house to live in, be taken up with appreciating what we do have instead of with what we do
not have.
He cut himself lose from Shiloh so they would cut themselves lose from
all the half breed and each one have the reality of practicing the words, "Arise,
annoint him for this is he." His heart seemed to yearn over Shiloh and he prayed that
God would clean out all that was not loyal and true, etc. He spoke of what an awful thing
it was for people to lay their lives down and go around the globe and then be captured by
the world and gash themselves through with many sorrows and perhaps lose their souls--how
awful to leave their place unfilled and make gashes and leave on others the work that
belonged to them, etc. He seemed to be feeling the lack of those who ought to be helping
him and fighting the battles. He spoke of how they could stand an eternity in hell but not
stand a few years of suffering here for the Master. God's providences short, etc.
He spoke of how he and Mrs. Sandford and Herbert (Jenkins) prayed one
night for the Coronet--the six that were out. He spoke of how people went through the
suffering for years and then when near the time to be coroneted, give up and lose it all
and all their righteousness is forgotten. He seemed to feel the sad side and to suffer
over them as well as feeling the wrathful side. He spoke of what an awful thing it was to
say the least thing against a man of God---it was against God.
He told me Thursday am that he talked about Mr. Holland before us all,
making an example of him, but he would not tolerate for a second our talking about him. He
said if he went a bit too far in speaking of a person, even when he had to do it for their
good or for other people's good, he felt it and it injured him.
We had sunset meeting in his room. He asked me, as I was leaving, after
others had, how I was feeling and I said "real good". He said that was good and
asked if I had written Uncle Ed and Aunt Neve and I said, "yes", and he asked if
I was after their souls and I said, "yes", I was. I took in a litttle sauce dish
of chocolates and set it on the table with a note on them to Mr. & Mrs. Sandford. Mr.
Sandford spoke, one day, of our going through with him through the cave experience. He
told us, Friday morning, we needed to keep very close to him and to each other so as not
to be picked off.
Saturday, April 19
A letter from home with one from Arnold enclosed. I shall mail one to Arnold today.
Sunday, April 20
Went to Mr. Sandford's room at 9 am. In the pm we started to pray and
he noticing we were tired, dismissed us and told us we had better go to bed and rest until
the next service. In the chapel in pm Mr. Sandford talked about God using small
things---rams horn, but it was in the hands of a prophet, etc. and finally Mary had had 7
devils in her yet she was the one who tells the story of Jesus' resurrection that has
meant so much to the globe. He said we must not despise ourselves and think we cannot do
anything. We knelt and sang, "I'll go where You want me to go", then we told
Jesus we would run and tell the story and tell our experiences. I told Jesus I appreciated
what he had done for us and it made me feel as though I wanted to do something for Him.
In the evening Mr. Sandford told how he was feeling pressure of
Satan---felt as though his ribs were being crushed in---that he had no protection or
ministry---had to fight through himself. We stayed there until 2 am. A delightful
atmosphere after he and others had fought through. He felt that the devil was trying to
freeze everything up about the convention. I was suffering very much from fasting---my
head very bad but God was there. Mr. S said we needed to wait on God a great deal. We were
sitting there---he was talking about different things, especially about fixing up that
room. He kept speaking of how nice it was there, and he spoke as though that was when we
got God, when we stuck together a long time---that we were getting more God there than in
many of your morning meetings seeking the outpouring of the Spirit. He spoke of how he
would like to have Shiloh have the benefit of that atmosphere--- all the hungry ones. He
spoke tenderly of them.
Monday, April 21
Etta (Carpenter) and I prayed together and
then we went and got our dress suit cases and changed. The Lord helped us. We prayed for
his* soul and that God would make him treat us right and do
the right thing for his own soul's sake. I said to Etta, "Greater is He that is in us
than he that is in the world." Those words came to me.
I mailed a letter to Aunt Edith and one to Papa. A good day---felt the
blessing of the night's meeting through the day. Suffering at night but found Jesus very
real in the 6 o'clock hour. Went out with Etta in the evening.
*I do not know who she is referring to. FEH
Tuesday, April 22
Suffered very much as I spent 6 to 7 alone. At 9 we (the Bible School)
went to Mr. Sandford's room and spent all day until 7 p.m. on life of David. He was full
of pleasantry---read to us out of an old diary of his.
He sent Miss Dart out to get some nice note books as a present from him to the Bible
School to write out just the life of David. I had a day of extreme suffering physically
and spiritually too. Herbert (Jenkins) and Miss Langhans prayed for me in the evening and
I felt felt better.
Wednesday, April 23
I mailed a letter to Aunt Neve. Mr. Sandford prayed a lot in the
morning meeting. He prayed that we would get what we came for---prayed that we would be
melted together, filled with love, all selfishness to get out. Not wishing we didn't have
to work, not doing things from duty. By love to serve one another---no individual looking
after ourselves---melted together like lead. No doing things because we have to,
everything in the Spirit and spontaneous. Taking the gospel to people because we love
them. He prayed for those who were not there, out working and up late and did not think it
best to get up early, etc.. He told us we must make sure we got the goods. There came a
time when we must take the goods and store them away. He prayed for the very pores of our
beings to be soaked in God. I am spending the day waiting on God.
(Nothing is written from April 23 until May 5. There is no
explanation. Doris does not disclose where the Bible School is as she begins writing in
May. It appears that they are back at Elim.) FEH
May 5
Mr. Sandford came down to the chapel at the close of the 8 to 9 meeting
and discussed the subject of the Bible School going to Shiloh. We prayed for light. He had
had a day of fearful pressure. He applied the blood and it changed and he was blessed by
being with us. We stayed until towards 3 a.m. and had a good time. He said for the Bible
School to keep separate at Shiloh, to clear out Shiloh Proper and live there and have our
meals separate. John and Theodora to go ahead. He said to go on the platform every meeting
for about a week if Mr. Holland wants us to and talk a -long time. Some to talk in one
meeting and others to talk in the next meeting. He said it would do Shiloh good just to
look at us and see us smile, etc. He called us kittens. Told us to magnify Jesus, talk as
big as we could about Him--be victorious.
He spoke of how good we would look to the people down there all tired
and bedeviled. He spoke of not feeling right about a woman who had come from Shiloh to go
evangelizing---said her face did not look right---that she was not free herself---needed
help herself, not in condition to go out and help others. He spoke of how he had felt as
though the devil had a grip on him all day and Shiloh was like that only much worse. He
said that the woman wasn't to blame and he was not to blame. He sang for the Bible school,
"Bless them Lord and make them a blessing, and keep them snow white, I pray." At
9 a.m. Mr. Harriman had the 9'oclock service and talked about a message God had given him
for the Bible School--"Arm yourselves".
May 6
At 3 p.m. Mr. Sandford met with us in the chapel and prayed for us. He
prayed that we would keep together---not let anything in between, no grudges or anything
like that, so awful for two saints. He prayed that we would not go ranting around here and
there but keep separate.
Mrs. S. was sick, very bad cold on lungs and could not speak outloud.
Mr. Sandford prayed for her, then he and Esther prayed. Miss Dart and again Mr. Jewell,
and in the evening the Coronet Company prayed and she seemed worse when they got through
praying. But the next morning she was all right. Mr. Sandford prayed that we would have a
dogged faith and stick to things. He showed us a five dollar gold piece. He said he was
going to give each one of the Coronet Company---those who went around the world with
him---a five dollar gold piece to every one of them, right or wrong---no difference where
they were or what they were like. He spoke of how he liked to look at gold. He said the
processes God put us through were burning out the dross and leaving just the pure gold. He
talked a good deal about suffering and what it did for us. It is the crucible.
We went on the boat* in the evening. Grace
(Brown) and I were together in one stateroom. I was seasick and vomited and then I was
better. We knelt in our stateroom and prayed. We told God that if He was never wanted in
that stateroom before He was that night and we prayed for people on the boat and for seven
states. It was the 6 to 7 hour. Grace was seasick all night. * The
Coronet
May 7
Grace and I came up from Portland on the train with Benjamin (Holland).
I spoke to John about Grace not eathing anything. He gave me 25 cents and we got her soda
crackers, grape fruit, wafers and pickles. We went for a walk while waiting for the train
and sat down on some stones up in a field and talked. We had to wait at the Lisbon Falls
station. Mr. Fuller came and landed us at Mrs. Brown's*. Mama
and Enid came to see me. When it stopped raining I went to see Marion**
and then to Shiloh. Hope (Kelsey)*** is very sick.
The Bible school met in Ebenezer until 12. How John fought for her
(Hope) and for the Bible School and the others took right hold---prayers that got there. I
went to the turret at 12. I asked to take Miss Kierstead's place and was left over until
4.
* Grace's mother, Annie.
** Enid's daughter, born 1918.
***Later married Stephen Anderson
May 8
Meeting in Ebenezer through the forenoon. Honored the blood of Jesus
for perfect cleansing. Some did not enter in which made trouble but they finally swung
into line and we went to chapel and talked. People sat with tears in their eyes and
expressed their appreciation for the Bible school and to have us with them.
May 9
I talked in the chapel at nine. I found God in the 6 to 7 hour in
Ebenezer.In the p.m. I took up the subject of our going home on the sabbath. Lila (Hulse)
did not feel that we should. John (Sandford) had felt that God wanted us to and expressed
himself that way. He dropped it after Lila spoke. A time of suffering that night and the
next day. We met in Ebenezer at sunset and felt the sabbath very real.
May 10
I was very much burdened over Shiloh and went with Anna (Marstaller) to
the turret until 12. I got my heart through as I magnified Jesus and put faith in the Lamb
of God. The Bible School spent the evening in Ebenezer singing some around the organ .
May 11
I went to the turret from 6 to 8 a.m. Had a good time. We met at 9 in
Ebenezer. We went to the temple at 10:30. Miss Page spoke to the Bible School. I spoke in
the chapel in the p.m. on the life of David. Then we went to Ebenezer and had a prayer
service. At the last we heard there was no supper for people. It was quite late but we
prayed and God gave us faith and later the supper came. We did the same on Friday p.m. and
supper came.
May 12
We went to the Bowie house at 9 and worshiped God and dedicated the
house. I waited on the Lord. My head so bad I laid down and slept some. Found Jesus very
real at 3.
May 13 (Doris' birthday, 27 years old, but she does not mention it.) FEH
John came to my room after 10 and said that he
felt that Avis and I were to go home that afternoon, which we did. Papa and Mama were glad
to see us. They were in the process of moving. Mr. Whittaker was over. I handed Papa a
plate of beans to give to him. He appreciated it much. We had a nice supper together. Mr.
& Mrs. Wolf came. I washed dishes while Papa and Mama moved. Avis and I washed our
hair.
(An unexplained break between May 13 and May 20.)FEH
Tuesday, May 20
I mailed a letter to Arnold in the evening. Also one to Merlyn (Bartlett). Worked in the kitchen all week.
Wednesday, May 21
I went in the evening to see Mr. Hastings. I was nearly crushed
beneath the load of Shiloh's sufferings *and apparently not getting good out of them, and
my own need. I came home happy. I went down** to see Mr. Tupper that evening about
10:30. I found he was in bed. I told him I came to make him a little birthday call. He
thought it was pretty late. I told him I did not even know what time it was, that we did
not keep any track of time up here. He told me to come again. The girls are getting Esther
(Sandord) ready.
*I believe she is referring to the lack of food. FEH
** The Tuppers were living at the 'camps' , located some distance behind the
'Temple".
Thursday, May 22
Esther comes in between 6 and 7 and bids us goodbye. She goes and joins
her father. Shiloh goes without all day again. We meet in Ebenezer and later we go to the
armory and read about the Lamb of God. We wait on the Lord silently for an hour or so then
go over to the chapel and speak at 3 p.m. We sing several songs. After meeting we go and
read notes to Mr. Fuller who has a bad headache. I go down that evening and see Enid.
Friday, May 23
I do not get satisfied in the 6 o'clock hour. I get some good in the
prayers. I work in kitchen, cleaning in forenoon. Go to Mrs. Wakeman's with Enid's note in
the a.m.. I suffer torture through the 3 o'clock hour. It hurt so to hear them pray I
could hardly endure through the hour. I lie down after that, faint, weak and head SO BAD.
Louisa (Marstaller) thinks my lack of response in the 3
o'clock meeting which she led was some fault with the meeting or because I thought so. But
I explained to her. In sunset meeting Theodora (Sandford)
passes around a box of chocolates belonging to her. Received a birthday card and letter
from Herbert (Jenkins).
Saturday, May 24
I feel so bad in a.m. Too bad to arise at 7 and go and bid Enid good
bye.* Feeling too bad physically to seek God. Tried but did
not feel even any desire for God. Wrote a letter to Herbert (Jenkins). Papa went to
Brunswick with Enid. He came here to our room on the way back. Mama came over with
clipping telling of 311th Field Service Bn.** having started
home last Sunday. I started letter to Enid. Day of great suffering for me. Had nice soup
for supper provided by John and Theodora. Bread supplied by Emma (Marstaller). Corn from
Emma's mother. The morning's bread supplied by John & Mrs. Fraser. I went over and
talked with Mr. Hastings in the evening and was all changed over. I found Lucille (Holden)
was suffering in the evening and I talked with her some.
* Enid leaves Shiloh via train from Brunswick. She & Floyd
(Clark) had found an apartment in Quincy, Massachusetts. They have left the movement.
**Brother Arnold's Army outfit is leaving France. FEH
Sunday, May 25
Theodora showed me the work list to notice change in it. My name had
been taken off. I found the Holy Spirit real in the morning. The Bible School have meeting
from 9 until 3, talking things out and praying and then to the chapel at 3 and talk on
harvesting. I had meeting with the teachers from 5 to 6. Mailed a letter to Herbert in the
p.m. Wrote a note to Miss Dart and Esther. Wrote to Aunt Edith.
Monday, May 26
We met in Ebenezer, had no leader, kept hour silently. Not conscious of
much. My head very bad. After 12 I went over to Mama's to have clothes fixed. I was
suffering desperately in the evening. Went over to Mr. Hastings' and talked with him a
long time and was all changed over again. Mailed a letter to Arnold and one to Aunt Neve.
Tuesday, May 27
Went to Old Ladie's Home and talked and read notes to them in the 9
0'clock hour.* Mama fixing my clothes. Wrote a letter to Aunt
Neve. Suffered much over Enid in p.m.** I talked with John. A
letter came from Mr. Holland about "stuck in the mud" and he is taking hold of
our battles. He is going to pay June 1st bills. He sent $100.00.
* Wendell & Annie White are now living and working at
the"Old Ladies's Home". FEH
**Because Enid had left Shiloh and the movement. FEH
Wednesday, May 28
Went to the turret from 6 to 8. Received a letter from Herbert. The
Bible School went to the 40 acre lot in the p.m. and ate dinner there. Received a letter
from Merlyn. Sat up until 12 writing a letter to her. Put on summer underwear in a.m.
Thursday, May 29
The Bible School went to the chapel from 9 to 12. John took up about
David in the p.m. My head hurt so dreadfully. I wrote John a note and he said I did not
have to stay so I went and lay down. At 7 Miss Scott had the turret meeting with Lila's
and my company. Her subject, "keep yourselves in the love of God". Bible School
in Ebenezer in the evening. John told camp stories* Elsie (McArthur) and I stayed down with Grace (Brown).
* Stories from John's time spent in the U.S.Army. (WW 1) FEH
Friday, May 30
I took the day to wait on the Lord. The Bible School went to Jerusalem
Park at 10:30 and had a praise meeting. They ate dinner down there. I go to the turret
from 4 to 6. I find dinner in my room when I come down. Theodora sent it up and says I
must eat some before I go home. John said Avis and I could go home.
Saturday, May 31
Out home all day. I took a trip to Mrs. Hastings and back. I came home
in the evening---found Bible school together praying for the convention. Received a letter
from Esther. Wrote a note to Myrtle (McKay).
Sunday, June 1
I took the High School meeting at nine. Mr. (Frank)
McKenzie had the 10:30 sermon in the temple. He took up a sermon of Mr. Sandford's about
the Kingdom and Elijah. Bible School in Ebenezer in the p.m. on life of David. Sought God
for individual life with God etc., etc., as David had---self regulating. God met us. In
evening Ruth (Brown) came to see me. She was suffering. In
the evening Theodora had the girls together seeking God about work. She was not willing to
go on until we got through to God. I mailed a letter to Enid.
Monday, June 2 (Nothing written) FEH
Tuesday, June 3
Received a letter from Arnold in France. A very hot day, hottest we've
had since ? Lucille (Holden) had the 3 o'clock meeting down under the maples, talked on
waiting. My head was terrific from the heat and from sweeping our rooms. Girls are eager
to know if Arnold is on this side yet. They let 3 or 4 days go by after August
(Marstaller) landed before they let us know so we will not let them know anything. They
think sure he had landed and we won't tell them. Helped Hope in the evening, gave her my
wide rimmed hat. Got to bed about 12 a.m. Had a furious head ache all afternoon and
evening. Stayed with Grace in the evening and then went out with Hope in spite of my head
being so bad. So glad to suffer and suffer intensely for the sake of helping a soul.
Wednesday, June 4
Got up about 7 and went to the turret at 8. Mr. & Mrs. Holland gave
an account of their trip through 7 states, in the chapel at 9. Emma (Marstaller) had the
3'0clock meeting in Jerusalem Park. When we came back we met John coming down with bread
and blueberry sauce and he said, "To the rear, march!" We had dinner in the park
and some folks played croquet. In the 6 o'clock hour I talked with Theodora and she went
and spoke to John about it. He said some things that made me suffer very much. I asked him
later if I could see him and he later gave me a note asking to be excused as he was not in
the mood but I wrote him a note and he saw me. I was much relieved but still suffering. I
wrote him a note and gave it to Theodora the next morning.
Thursday, June 5
Chapel from 9 to 12. People from the convention spoke. John speaks a
few words to us in Ebenezer at 1 o'clock and sends us back to the chapel. Had afternoon of
great suffering---troubles in the Bible School.
Friday, June 6
Great suffering continues. Went to chapel at 9. Charles (Marstaller)
had the 8 o'clock meeting after John had the sunset meeting about dropping everything and
seeking God and feeling the sabbath.
Saturday, June 7
A telegram from Arnold. He arrived in New York harbor the 5th. Got off
the ship the 6th. Had left France May 23.
Sunday, June 8
Mama came over. Papa is still sick, very sore throat. Wrote a letter to
Mr. S. Received a letter from Mr. S to Emma & the Bible School about winning out,
etc., and Hill of Hachilah.* Mr. Hoad started in with the hour meetings. John tells me at
the table that he supposes all my problems will now be solved because my brother is coming
home. I lay down at 5:30 with head being very, very bad. I laid there right through the 6
o'clock hour.
Lila (Hulse) came in after 7 and wanted to know if I wanted to go out
to walk with her.
I went and she spoke of how she acted when I asked her to pray with me the other day and
told how she was nearly crazy, etc. I told her I knew how that was and did not mind. She
spoke of how she had been having such a battle to love me, that she felt irritated, and
some other stronger word at me. It seemed as though she could not love me or something
like that. She spit right out. Said she felt herself getting bitter towards me, that she
did not want to see me or have me around at all. She spoke of that time after that Bible
School meeting when I spoke to her about our talking together and getting our hearts
together and then I did do it. (I said later that I did not seem to feel like it---
thought perhaps it would be better to not talk it over but just let the Lord work it out
and we give our attention to the harvesting. I do not remember of her saying anything
except that she had felt some things about me. She expressed no desire to do so that I can
remember nor did she that day, so I did not know whether she especially wanted to or not.
I told her, one day around that time, that I would like to go to the turret with her
sometime. She did not say a word and I felt rather chilled and thought that probably she
did not want to.)
She said she thought that something had come up so that I had changed
my mind about talking with her. ( The way I did feel was that though I wanted to talk my
heart right out to her and be absolutely frank as to how I felt about myself and about
her, I did not feel safe to do so.
I felt that the more I talked out things to her the deeper and worse the whole mess got
until there was no end to it. Also while she would be all nice at one time she was the
opposite to that at other times. I did not feel like letting out the sacred suffering of
my soul to an enemy, and I did not feel equal to going into it all with her not knowing
how she would take it, etc.)
I told her that as I thought of it, it seemed better to not attempt
such a task but just let the Lord work it out but I had been thinking of it ever since and
thought since she had said she had felt something about me that perhaps she wanted to talk
it out to me and I had thought of giving her a chance, that I would be glad to have her if
she felt like it. She seemed to blame me because I had not had that talk with her, not
made any attempt to get our hearts together, not even prayed together. I did not even know
she wanted to. She said she was getting so she felt bitter so that if I should come she
did not know as she would do it, felt as though she didn't want to get our hearts
together, didn't want to have anything to do with me, did not want to see me, etc.
* "Hill of Hachilah" was the name, given by Mr. Sandford,
for Center's Point on Merrymeeting Bay in Bowdoinham, Maine. It was bought by the Kingdom
for $2,500 to be used as a "retreat". FEH
She said she did not like the way I held myself aloof from the others
and she felt as though I held myself in kind of a strained way and did not let out what
was inside. She said she felt as though that was the reason I did not get into the messes
she did. She practically said that she thought I was just as bad as she inside but that I
held onto myself and held it in. She said that if I was down in the kitchen with a lot of
others laughing and talking that I would show up and the bad that was held in and unseen
by keeping away from people would show up. I told her that I did work in the kitchen one
week. She said she knew I did and that she was not trying to get me to work, that she knew
it was too much for me to work in those places but that she felt that I held myself above
the rest of them and thought myself better and held in the badness instead of letting it
show up. She said she was not going to try to hold herself in but just let herself out as
she was.
She felt that I held myself in and so appeared to be good while she
showed up bad. The thought was that I was just as bad but I held it in and appeared
different from what I was. She felt that I lacked humility. She said I would probably
think it was a dreadful thing for her so say that to me when she needed humility herself.
She spoke of thinking the two things the girls felt about her was her superiority and
curiosity--said she knew curiosity ran her and she could not seem to help it.
She spoke of how she tried to find out from Elsie (MacArthur) about me
and about that note. She said if Elsie had only been frank with her and spoken to her
right then , then it would not have had to come up in the way it did with John. She wished
the girls would be frank with her. I told her that I had done that but she did not like it
and did not take it so I thought it best to keep still. She recognized that but--------.
She spoke of how she acted after Mr. Sandford went away from Shiloh. She knew she got it
wrong about her folks and was awfully pressed. She said she felt that I was not what I was
when Mr. Sandford was here, just as she was not. She said that some of the other girls
felt that something needed to be worked out in my life and that it probably would be
through that experience.
She felt that I rose too high, that I should have kept down low. She
did not like it because I did not break down. I told her I did my breaking down in Mr.
Sandford's room. I said that I did feel like not praying or testifying but just keeping
still, but that Mr. Sandford had told me to keep right on as if nothing had happened. She
told me she did not mean for me not to testify and not pray, that would not be right. She
said that she felt that I was not mellow, that my family were that way but she thought
that through that experience I would become mellow. She did not seem to like it that I was
like myself again. She seemed to want me to keep way down, a very humble seat etc., and
she did not feel that I did that but that I came right up and filled my old place again,
rose up high, or something like that.
She did not seem to like it because I paid no attention to her and was
not all nice with her. She spoke of how we had not been able to have unity before we went
to Boston and that things came up as they did there in Boston but she did think that when
I came back I would be all different or something like that, and that we could get our
hearts together. She spoke of how she had missed me and how glad she was to have me come
back.
She said it was like losing a sister. She said she thought Mr. Sandford
must feel that she was lonely and suffering for he had her come up to his room and stay a
good while one day. She told me nothing of any conversation with him about me and I did
not ask her. She said perhaps there was more that went on inside of me than she knew
anything about and that if she did know she might feel different. However, I did not feel
to lay my heart open before her.
She said she felt that I delighted in having her down, that I just
liked to have her down etc. I told her that if everything else she had said was right I
would have to object to that for I did not feel that way. She wanted me to talk out my
feeling about her. I told her I did not have anything to say---did not feel that I could
force myself to say anything. She kept at me trying to get me to say she believed I could
help her if I only would. I told her I felt like seeking God about what she had said to
me, that I did not feel in a position to say anything to her or something like that. I
told her I appreciated her talking out what she felt about me and that I should take it to
heart and seek God to make me see what I needed to see and to change me where I needed to
be changed.
As she kept at me about talking to her I told her we would have to let
the Holy Spirit work it out and that if I had anything to say to her later I would say it
but I did not have anything at present. She said there might not be a thing in what she
had said and she feared I would take it to heart too much. She told of how she had been
fasting and stayed up all night one night until she was nearly crazy, that she was
desperate enough so that she even thought of throwing herself in the river, said it would
have meant nothing to her to do it. She spoke of how needy she was, etc.
She asked me if I was the one that wrote, "Doris White no
good" down on the work list. A point blank question which I could not see that she
had any right to ask. I said that I wasn't saying who wrote it there. She went on talking
as if I was the one and said she was very much surprised at me saying such a thing as
that--giving in to the devil that way. (She did not seem to know enough about me so she
questioned me.) Believing the devil's lies---the idea of my thinking I was no good. She
said that was the other side of it. I told her I did not say that I wrote it there. She
said it looked like my writing. She seemed to quiet all down and try to smooth the whole
thing over and be all nice. I had taken it all very quietly and openly and humbly. She
longed to have our hearts together again and evidently wanted me to feel all nice with
her, etc.
I used to be very kind to her and used to even stand up for her when
others were bringing things against her. I would tell her that Mr. Sandford had helped her
and she was different and they could not look at her just as she used to be etc. I said
she had a lot in her, etc. Lila said I was untouchable. She did not feel that I should
have criticized her praying as she thought I did do when I spoke that night of her
appearing as if she had been here 70 years. I told her I was not speaking of her praying
at all. She said she asked the Holy Spirit to help her pray and she prayed when she did
not feel as though she had anything in her to pray. She thought it a pretty delicate thing
for me to be criticizing her prayer. She said if I was down in the kitchen with 5 or 6
girls that she didn't believe I would appear so saintly. I went to bed about 12 but could
not sleep for a long time. My head paining badly. (One queer thing happened this
night or close to it. Dorothy Clement was over and I talked a little with her. She told
Avis about it afterward and spoke of how I talked with her but Lila would not speak to
her.)
* Sister to Lincoln Clement. FEH
Monday, June 9
Got up at 5:30, quiet hour from 6 - 7. Wrote in diary some during the
hour. Hung out clothes. Chapel at 9. Mrs. Gleason went to Boston. Bible Class at 10:00.
Mr. Hoad *spoke about Jesus, our foundation, etc. I saw John at 11:45 in "Cave of
Adullum". ** Elsie is in trouble. I write note to John. Greatly relieved through
talking with John. Wrote and mailed note to Esther in evening. Ruth (Brown) hunts me up
and we talk and pray together for the Bible School. She feels as though she cannot go to
bed. I feel the same way and so does Elsie. Elsie and I see John later and are greatly
blessed. I ask him about writing his father and he does not think there is any need of it.
He tells us to meet in the Cave of Adullum tomorrow at 11:30. I mailed a letter to Merlyn
(Bartlett) also aunt Neve and papers to Mr. S.
*Rev. Hoad was one of the Bible School teachers. FEH
Tuesday, June 10
Arose at 5:30. Found the Holy Spirit in quiet hour. Mr. Whittaker spoke in
the 9 o'clock hour. He told us about that house in the forests, etc. Bible lesson at
10:15. "Let Christ dwell in our hearts." At 11:30 our meeting in Cave of
Adullum. Very satisfactory. Elsie brought through. We were there for 2 hours. I saw John
alone a few minutes. When leaving he said, "I think a lot of you, Miss White."
He said if Dora (Theodora) and he had a home they would want me to live with them as a
sister or something like that. It did me lots of good. My head was SO bad that pm that to
pray or seek God in the 6-7 hour was impossible. I lay down and slept some and at 7 went
over and talked with Mr. Hastings. Elsie told me Lila had been trying to get out of her if
she had anything against her and she finally told her she did not have any wonderful unity
with her. I spoke to Theodora in the am about taking care of the bath room and also upper
one. I went to work cleaning it. Got a letter from Enid.
Wednesday, June 11
Arose about 7. Went to the turret at 8. Feeling too condemned to go but went
and met the Lord. I took the day to wait on the Lord but my head was so bad that I just
could not get anything so lay down, also very much troubled, still, over talking. I wrote
John a note. He saw me later and helped me so I felt different. August (Marstaller) came
and ate dinner with the Bible School. I went down and shook hands with him. I went to
turret from 8 to 10 and cried out my heart to God for the Bible School, for myself and for
Lila. I felt relieved. I believed Him to handle it all. My heart was filled with faith as
I honored Him and with love. I sang ,God is love, I know, I feel, Jesus lives and loves
through me. I did not eat at all after breakfast. Went to bed without but could not sleep
for some time and I felt the effects of fasting all the next day.
**I have been unable to find out about the "Cave of
Adullum". It may have been the camp that was located across Pinkham Brook beyond
Bethesda. FEH
Thursday, June 12
Went to the turret from 7 to 8. Chapel 9 to 3. August talked a long time.
Frank McKenzie talked. Prayer service later. I suffered so with my head it seemed as
though I simply could not stay, but I did. I was suffering very much at night. I went for
a walk with Elsie and Etta took us for a ride around by the Old Ladies Home. I stopped out
at Mr. Hastings' and talked with him a long time and felt better.
Friday, June 13
Chapel at 9. Received letters from Herbert and Merlyn. Mailed a
letter to Arnold. Mr. Hoad had the Bible lesson at 10:15 about loving God with all our
hearts and being taken up with Him and not with earthly things, outward surroundings,
dress, etc. I am suffering greatly since. I am with Grace and she has been comforting me
some. Mr.& Mrs.(Joseph) Harriman came this morning. Mr. Harriman said that Arnold was
at Elim Wednesday night on a 24 hour leave. Avis went home. John had the sunset meeting
with us, stayed there looking at Beulah pictures, etc., until nearly midnight. Elsie
suffering greatly, the dear girl.
Saturday, June 14
A letter from Arnold. A day of suffering. Went home in the p.m. I stopped to see Alice
(Shaw) on the way back. Bible School meeting in Ebenezer in the evening, praying for the
$3,000.* I gave John a note about Elsie. He saw her in the evening.
Sunday, June 15
Up at 6:45. Chapel at 9. Mrs. Harriman talked. At the temple, Mr. Harriman and Everett
(Knight) read Mr. Sandford's talk on saints. Ebenezer in the p.m. John led us in prayer
for $4,000.** Good living prayer service. John prayed his way through. Mr. Hoad had the
Bible lesson at 3 p.m. on 'gold'. I felt so cross at Mr. Hoad at first. I could hardly
keep from praying right out and ask the Lord to keep me sweet when we couldn't have any
air and ask Him to manage it so we could have some. The Lord helped me as I sought Him to
save me and give me humility and then Mr. Hoad told us we could open the windows. (He only
spoke of the door being closed). I went to Lisbon Falls with Hope after dinner. Sick in
the evening.
* Money toward paying off the mortgages on the Boston properties.
** More money for mortgages. These mortgages had been on the545 & 547 Massachusetts
Ave., houses prior to purchase by the Kingdom. FEH
Monday, June 16
A letter from Arnold. Chapel at 9. Mr. Hoad talked some more on gold in the
Bible lesson. I saw John in the p.m.
Tuesday, June 17
No word from Arnold. Chapel at 9. Bible lesson about being the Bride,
following the Lamb whithersoever He went. I can't understand Lila and all her quirks. She
called me into her room this a.m. She called me to the window and said she wanted to show
me John and Theodora's eldest child. Looking out I saw a doll hanging by a string from
Lucille's
window down in front of their window. I laughed rather questioningly. She said she was
going to twit John for such ill care or something like that.
It seems as though I could not wait another day for Arnold. SO HARD to
wait. It grows harder every day. A letter from Mr. S. about the battle.* Later a telegram
telling us to have meetings until midnight. The Bible School went to chapel at 6. I was
suffering fearfully, could only stay a few minutes. I came out to find John and
talked with him a long time and was all changed over. He told me to go to bed.
*The Boston mortgages FEH
Wednesday, June 18
Bible lesson held in the turret. The 21st chapter of Revelation, New
Jerusalem. Went to chapel. After being there an hour or so I received a note from John
telling me to go out for a change and that I need not come back until 8 p.m. The Bible
School met at 8:15. Some wrote letters to Mr. Sandford (after we had expressed our
appreciation for $350
sent by Mr. S for a car load of potatoes.---expressing appreciation to him and telling
about what we had been having about Johnathon's armor bearer, "do all that is in
thine heart, I am with thee." ) We prayed together until midnight.* John prayed and
prayed and prayed very vigorously and earnestly. We went to the kitchen at 12 and had
supper. Some of us picked over strawberries after dinner while the others washed dishes.
John came out with his note book and asked who of us were going to be up later than 1 a.m.
Not being able to find out he said, "All right, I'll stay up and find out." We
surely thought that Arnold would be home today but no word from him. I could not get him
off my mind. It seemed as though I could not wait any longer.
*Bible School was praying and fasting ref. to Boston mortgages, 9am
to 12pm. FEH
Thursday, June 19
John eats no breakfast. I take Theodora's place ironing collars and send her
to eat her breakfast. Bread still in baking at 9. We hustle up stairs at 9. John has us in
Ebenezer. After lesson in turret we go to chapel. I got to feeling so anxious about
Arnold. I began to cry and then Miss McKennzie appeared with a letter from him. Oh, how
good it was to meet him at the Lisbon Falls station at 6:30 this pm. It seemed as though
6:30 would never come. I asked John if it was all right to go to the Falls to meet Arnold
and he said yes and that we better beat it home after. He asked if we had a team. We rode
to Lisbon Falls to meet him. The train pulled in just after we arrived. Avis was the first
to spy him. We hugged him well and Avis and I walked home with him. When going through the
woods between the hot house and the camps Van (Carpenter) and August (Marstaller) hove
into sight. The three saluted and continued marching toward each other. Then August said,
"Isn't this too stiff-a-gate?" And then he and Van started on the run. Soon the
three were entangled in each other's arms---one of Arnold's around Van, the other around
August while they both hugged him vigorously. Then with Arnold in the center and the other
two on each side, with arms around each other, they walked up to Shiloh and then into the
chapel. The three sat side by side. The chapel was decorated. John and others of the Bible
School sang, "Keep the home fires burning", "Home again" and then
later, "I am in His keeping". Arnold greeted the people and knelt and thanked
God for His protection and bringing him back safely, then we came out home. We walked with
him until the roads divided.
Papa met him at Wiley's. He had started to go across the field. So
Arnold whistled and Papa answered and soon they were in each other's arms. We ate dinner
in the kitchen. Arnold brought us some candy. Went to bed around midnight. Papa and Arnold
went to the carriage house and talked until daybreak. I wrote a note to John and
Theodora---went to sleep
after 2 am.
Friday, June 20
I went to meeting with the old ladies. After Papa talked I read notes to them
which they appreciated. Avis and Arnold went to Shiloh in the pm and got back late. A
letter came from Aunt Edith.
Saturday, June 21
A day of suffering. Went to see Mr. Hastings in the evening. So good to
have Arnold with us.
Sunday, June 22
Arnold spoke at length in the afternoon service. I called on Grace
(Brown). She is very poorly.
Monday, June 23
I went out in the forenoon and picked strawberries in the pasture. I
took the square tin box that Mrs. Clark * had brought in to us with candy in it and took
it in to her full of strawberries. In the pm went over to the Marstallers where the whole
Bible School had congregated, with the exception of Theodora who did not feel able to
walk. Soon we were called under the oak tree where ice cream and cake were served. Later
we peeled potatoes, washed dishes, looked at cards, listened to the Victrola and some
folks played croquet. The boys played ball and we watched. Later, dinner was served under
the oak tree. After eating, the second book of Ezra was read by Benjamin(Holland). After
dinner we were supposed to have singing. Lucille(Holden) and Esther(Wiley) went off to
walk. John looked for them twice and then started off into the field and soon they
appeared. Meanwhile August stood at the organ and sang and later invited all who couldn't
sing to join in. In the evening the boys played their instruments very well. Ice cream and
sugar cookies were served, then home again. About 10:30 I stayed up until 2 am writing a
note to John to relieve my mind. I was troubled over my feelings toward Lila. Elsie
expressed her love for me in a way that did me much good. She was so glad to see me and I
was so glad to see her, dear girl. I told her that she was a bright spot to me.
* Floyd Clark's mother FEH
Tuesday, June 24 Our family went over to the Marstallers at noon.
Mr.(William)Marstaller came in and sat down with us in the sitting room. We looked at post
cards and talked. We were soon called out under the oaks and ate dinner. While eating, Van
and Etta and May(Carpenter) arrived. We had potatoes, potato salad, canned corn, beans,
rhubarb sauce, biscuits, corn bread and strawberry short cake. At 3 o'clock hour we
thanked God for protecting and bringing the boys home whole. The victrola
played. After 4 we played croquet. After a few interesting games, interesting because of
such poor playing, we paired up and played partners. August & Ruth, Arnold & I,
Isaac and Rodney, (Gleason)--three families. There was considerable discussion about what
the rules were and we thinking that Isaac and Rodney made up rules as they went along. I
called to Charles M. as he appeared on the veranda and told him we needed a police out
there! He refused to come and showed no interest whatever. I got through all the wickets
and came back and helped Arnold who was being knocked around some by others. Arnold hit
the post and I was within a mallets length of it. It was August's turn. Then Charles
became interested and called out to August to knock me way off the field and getting
excited. he started over. Meanwhile, August, trying to carry out Charles' directions,
knelt on the ground and held his ball with his hand and knocked it, making a miss-hit and
sending mine only a foot.
Now it was my turn! Ruth, Rodney, and Isaac, swung their mallets in
front of me and raised their voices on high while August called out three cheers, etc. I
tried to wait for them to stop swinging their mallets, but when I went to hit, they began
again. Finally I knocked and hit the post! I remarked that I would hold that against
Charles to my dying day---that he showed no interest when I called to him to come and then
when there was a chance to make it bad for me he was all excited and interested and began
to participate! Soon he came around the corner and told me he had heard that I had a
grudge against him and that I would not forgive him until my dying day----then he
suggested that I had better die soon!
Then I said that first he had tried to put me off the croquet field and
then he wanted me off the earth! I enjoyed it all very much---but I had a raging headache.
They asked us to come back again. The girls thanked us for coming and we thanked them. We
had ice cream and cake--two servings at 4. Very delicious! On the way home I met Lincoln
(Clement) and he turned around and took Avis and me back home and took Arnold home with
him to dinner.
Wednesday, June 25
Did my washing, frosted Arnold's cake, colored a skirt, etc. I met the
Lord in the barn during the 6 to 7 hour on a bunch of new mown hay. I picked some
strawberries at night. Gave Mrs. Clark some. Wrote a note to John at night, something like
this:
Dear "Mr. John":
Legally, our week is up Thursday night, June 26. BUT according to the
gospel it lasts over the sabbath or until Arnold goes to meeting Sunday morning???
We were over to Shiloh on Sunday and we wondered if we couldn't have
Friday to make that up and then the next day being the sabbath------?
Papa wasn't so terribly definite about just one week when he wrote your
father.
PS The mail carrier, being Mrs. Ferry, arriving at Shiloh on Thurs., June 26 and returning
about 4 pm on same date. Kindly answer by return mail. Any failure to do so will
necessitate our bidding farewell to our brother and returning to Shiloh Thurs. night at 11
pm. according to
the scheduled time and will bring upon the said, "Mr. John" the displeasure of
the said Doris White & Avis White, her sister. Farewell.
Signed,
Doris and Avis White
Thursday, June 26
I dressed during the 9 o'clock hour. Took my bible and went down the
path to spend the six hours under the apple tree. Found God real. I was VERY faint after 3
and my head was feeling very bad and felt restless, hard to keep still. I came in and ate
a little lunch and finding myself unable to wait on the Lord any longer. I went to the
barn but came in again before 4. I went out after strawberries after 4 and got 5 quarts.
Rec'd a note from John permitting us to stay until Sunday.
Friday, June 27
Arnold appeard after having been in Brunswich and Bath. He arrived late
last night. Arnold and Avis went to Shiloh and then to Lisbon Falls. I made 6 pounds of
chocolate fudge. I had to cook it so long I did not get done until after Sabbath. I had a
discussion with Arnold about Mr. Sandford. Papa speaks of telling somebody that one of his
reasons for coming to Shiloh was so that his children would get God, Etc., but that he was
much dissapointed, etc. I am suffering desperately tonight. It is nearing 12 but it seems
as though I could not go to bed.
Saturday, June 28
I went with Arnold as far as Mr. Hastings' and went in to see him.
Arnold called for me and we walked home together. Arnold told me he was going to skip the
coup. He said he could not possibly stay. He expressed his doubts about Mr. S., etc. I
talked with him but nothing would take.
Sunday, June 29
I reported on duty at 9 0'clock. Chapel from 9 to 10. I asked John to
excuse me from the temple service and I went over to see Mr. Hastings. I was suffering
desperately. He helped me. I spent the afternoon in the Bible School meeting. John gave us
a lesson on David then we went to the armory and had a prayer service, mainly for Grace
(Brown). I went to supper then to chapel at 9. About 10 I went to Ebenezer and told John
that I did not see how I could stay in the meeting any longer. He said I had better go to
bed, which I did, feeling very bad physically.
Monday, June 30
Chapel from 9 until 11. I suffered intensely spiritually and
physically. After 10 I wrote a note to John saying that I could not see how I could stay
in the meeting. He left me free to follow my own convictions. I went out at 10:45. Came
back to the Bible School at 1 o'clock. Had a good time praying for Grace. She is very
seriously ill. Her hands and feet cold, not able to take scarcely any nourishment, not
able to keep anything on her stocmach what liitle bit she did eat. We resisted the devil,
etc. She was better after that. She had been in a stupor but she was bright after that.
Bible school in chapel at 9.
I wrote a note to John and he sent for me. ( We had had a turret
meeting at 7.) I saw Miss Scott after seeing John and I was much relieved and so was she
to find out where the trouble lay. I went and told each of the girls, talked with Elsie,
cleaned up the trouble in the bath room and went to bed about 1:30. John had told me I had
better go to bed when I left him, but----.
Tuesday, July 1, Chapel at 9. We were called to Ebenezer to pray for
Grace. News was sent to us from Miss Page (at Elim) that the money is all in.* A praise
service at the 3 o'clock hour. John said that we could go home the next day. Elsie has a
sick headache and can't rest. She has to go on duty (in the turret) with Grace at
midnight. She hasn't slept any.
Ruth B. is suffering, didn't eat any supper. I am suffering over the
lack of desire for God. I want to see John but I don't want to bother him and it is
getting late. Later, John came down to the kitchen and Ruth and I together persuaded him
to eat something. His plans about going to Freeport fishing the next day were broken up.
He was disappointed, feeling rather blue. I went to my room late and tried to seek God but
could not. Then I wrote a note to John and got to bed about 2 a.m.
* To pay off mortgage on #545, Boston. FEH
Wednesday, July 2
I have been suffering very much. No God---can't get Him
and feel condemned and troubled. Feeling too bad spiritually to go home. John and Theodora
are in the office with some of the girls, planning a trip to the mill* and laughing a lot.
They called me in and John asked me if I could walk to the mill. He told me he did not
feel in the mood to take up spiritual matters. He said he was trying to believe it was the
millennium and that there was no devil, etc. He said afterwards that he felt like acting
like the devil so that the folks that wanted something to complain to his father about,
would have something.
After dinner we went to Holland's cottage** and played croquet. The
balls were all in use. Benjamin (Holland) brought forth a beet from the garden and we had
some fun over that beet rolling around over the lawn. John and others were on the other
side of the lawn playing partners. They played down there until about 10:30. I came back
up to Shiloh and went down again and gave Theodora a note for John. Later he sent for me
and Elsie (who was suffering greatly) and we talked and prayed and got help, until 1 a.m.
or later.
* The "old stone mill
"located at Runaround pond in West Durham. FEH
** Rev. C.E. Holland's home located close to Olivet ("The Children's Building".)
FEH
Thursday, July 3
Ebenezer at 9 a.m. John reads some Bible and we appreciate and
appropriate Calvary. Gospel very real. God real, then we testify. Then we go down where
old ice house used to be and read about the blood and talk out whatever we feel like that
we do not feel right about and pray. I speak to John that afternoon about Arnold and later
by John's advice, to August. I feel bad that evening and go to bed late again and cannot
sleep. Awakened later by green auto driving up. Mr. Holland and Miss Dart on board. Next
thing I know some of the girls come in my room about 4:30 and tell us that John and
Theodora and August are off. Nothing could be said about it beforehand so we had not
known. We had been expecting Mr. S and instead all we did have was taken from us. I cried
quite a while. It seemed more than I could bear. I wrote to them and mailed it that
afternoon. John was up all night. He was skinning the Billy goat for our 4th of July
dinner when the auto came. Elsie called me down to the veranda by Grace's room and Grace
commanded me to come down and I did. We laughed and talked.
I talked with Grace until on into the afternoon and did not go to
meeting at all. I had my hammock put up beside Grace's. Miss Dart came in to see Grace
that forenoon and she told me that Mr. Sandford spoke of sending for me but just did not,
that was all. He said I was a good little fighter. I suffered awfully over it. I felt the
words to be so untrue of me now and that that was probably why God did not let him send
for me, because I had come short and was in such a condition spiritually, etc. We had
supper under the pine tree on the lawn. Miss Dart with us and also Mr. Hoad**. Plenty of nice goat meat. Miss Dart told us that Mr. S. sent his
"love to the little Bible School" and that he spoke of us tenderly and often.
Also that he had an idea that we loved him. I helped wash the dishes. Louisa (Marstaller)
feeling very bad all day. Arnold was over and he and I went out to the packing room. He
had hardly a word to say, seemed awfully pressed. When I left him he thanked me for coming
to see him. I told him my heart felt kind of sad like. He said he knew it and he hated to
make me feel sad. Elsie and I tried to sleep in our hammocks. Feeling very bad physically
and driven in by the mosquitoes. Suffering greatly mentally and physically. I lay down in
Ebenezer the rest of the night.
*Mr. Sandford & others off for upstate
NY to help with converts. FEH
**Rev. Hoad was one of the Bible
School teachers. FEH
Saturday, July 5
I went over to see Mr. Hastings. He prayed with me and I was all
changed over. He prayed for Arnold and Enid and the whole family. I went home with Arnold
and then came back to the turret from 8:30 to near 11:00. Had a good time. A post card
came from John.
Sunday, July 6
Turret duty from 8 to 10 a.m. Prayed for the Bible School and had faith
for Coronet Standard. In the afternoon Miss Dart has Bible School. "His delight is in
the law of the Lord" was the subject. She told us that the kind of people Mr. S liked
were warriors and people who were uncompromising. The flesh goes down, down, down. The
only way to keep ourselves was to have uncompromising spirit, etc. She talked about the
thing that wasn't satisfied as though that showed we are off if we did not feel satisfied.
God was a good one to satisfy the heart. She talked about being coddled and coaxed and
helped all the time. The kind of people that were some good to Mr. Sandford and on the
harvest field were those that had lived the life at Shiloh. The people always running to
someone for help weren't much good on the field. She talked to us about being parasites,
sucking our life from someone else. And the poor person that we sucked our life from and
got so much help from had their life sapped from them.
Mr. Sandford wanted her to get three points to us. These were the
people he wanted around him. !. Absolute purity, not too free with opposite sex. Miss Dart
said we might not do anything wrong but just be too free. 2. Popularity with the school.
3. Absolute loyalty. Mr. S. didn't want anyone around him that had been talking about him.
Delight in the law of God, not upset by things that take place. Just go right straight
through with God, not flinch at the hard things, etc.----these are not her words but what
I got from what she said. She didn't like the thing that was afraid of being strained up.
She talked about our talking out all our blue feelings to people until we nearly swamped
them, etc.
Monday, July 7
Lesson at 10:30. Miss Dart had us each talk out what we got out of the
other lesson. Miss Clairess said she was so strained up and then she got condemned because
she was so strained up. Miss Dart talked quite a while about our being strained up. She
spoke as though we were not getting along right if we weren't strained up. But she spoke
as though when we got through to God the strain left. She talked about not being too quick
to get the wound healed.---a good thing for wounds to stay open sometimes. She spoke of
going and talking with someone else and getting oil poured into the wound---how the flesh
liked to do that. We read part of Psalm 119.
Tuesday, July 8
At 3 Miss Dart met with us in Ebenezer, intending to talk with us about
auto trip and evangelistic work. She began asking Esther O'Conner about going to bed. She
said they should not stay up to the midnight meeting. She wondered about those under 21
staying to them. Benjamin said that he thought there was a lot of unnecessary sitting up
nights.
She told us she felt as though people sat up and worked nights when there wasn't any need
of it. She said we could always find work to do. She said that she did not feel that
people like Agnes (Fraser) , Louisa (Marstaller) and Doris (White) should stay up later
than 10 unless we were having meetings or were with Mr. S. or some special reason. She
spoke of our sending word when we were not going down to our meals so that Anna
(Marstaller) would not have to chase around to see why people did not come.
Wednesday, July 9
Arnold left. I was too weak to get up. Did not go to Bible School. Miss
Dart came in to see me. They started on the unity subject.
(There are no entries after July 9 until July 25. Only a reference
to being sick. FEH
Friday, July 25 We received a long letter from Mr. Sandford about the 70
day battle.* The Bible School went to the turret and signed our names to paper up there
and wrote a letter to Mr. S---a letter of response to the battle and loyalty and
signed---"Yours forever".
* 70 days of prayer from 9 a.m. until midnight, with no break.
Dinner was served after midnight. This 70 day prayer "battle" was to pay off the
mortgage on the other house in Boston, 547 Mass. Ave. FEH
Saturday, July 26
I talk with Miss Dart. She spoke of singing when just to entertain was
not satisfactory. "Only Thee", the standard for everything. The Bible School
went to the turret at night and the green auto drove up and Mr. & Mrs. Sandford, John
and Theodora and Miss Milbury got out of it. We came down to Ebenezer. Mr. S brought us
fruit and left us $5.00 to get milk with. He talked to us about getting the word of God
into us and knowing it from cover to cover. The main thing was to feed on the word--not
taken up with each other's faults. He said faults would grow while we were talking about
them but would drop off as we got filled up with Bible. The main thing was to practice it.
We must insist upon it.
If there was anything we could not practice, get help. Have the school
pray for us but insist on practicing the word. He felt that we had made marked progress
since he began with us about 6 months ago. (There should be) days of fasting and waiting
on God---if we did that enough we would make progress. Instead of going to our rooms and
talking, read our Bibles. He talked to us about "chewing each other's ears". Get
fed and apply word to our lives. If anyone, then, wouldn't practice it, light into them,
etc. Have faith, courage, etc., but more than anything, love. He wanted us to say 2 0r 3
times a day, "God is love, my shepherd* is love and I am a little lamb named love.
He spoke to us about praying a lot for the school, for each one, their
development, things taken out that needed to be taken out and things put in that needed to
be put in, etc. He spoke of a spirit of lightness---he did not like. Merry heartedness was
alright but the Bible said to avoid foolish talking. Anything on the line of foolishness
was not alright. He said that was where most Bible Schools got off ( the track). He prayed
for us.
* Mr. Sandford FEH
Wednesday, July 30
Reinforcements from Elim. The Bible School is called out to the Armory
about 2:30. To our surprise and great delight, Mr. S walks out of his room. He calls us in
and goes through the Song of Songs with us. He passes goat meat around. He speaks again of
our not being foolish or like high school young people. He sends us back to the chapel to
charge. Later, he walks in and takes up the battle.
Thursday, July 31
Mr. S with us all day. A nip and tuck battle but the money is all in
for the taxes. A $66.00 check from way out in California got here just the right day. Mr.
S comes down to supper with the Bible School. He speaks to us about loud mouth talking,
etc. But he is very kind and nice---so tired that he dropped right down on the lounge. He
gives the Bible School 2 quarts of strawberries.
Friday, August 1
Mr. Sandford goes back (to Elim), leaving us to have a week vacation
and to start in this day living a life of faith, cut free from Shiloh, nothing more from
the general office. Received $2.00 for this day besides milk.
Saturday, Aug. 2
A pint of milk for breakfast. A gem* brought to me which I give to Avis. John and Theodora
then give me two gems. I had given them some chocolates the day before. Nothing for
supper. We get together after sunset and pray late into the evening. $2.oo comes from we
know not where--wonderful--also some vegetables arrive, near midnight, from Mr.
Marstaller's. David (Marstaller) hands them over by hand. I made some cornstarch pudding
for John and Theodora. I had such a fight to get them to accept it. Theodora brought in
her milk for me to drink after midnight.
Sunday, Aug. 3 We had plenty for both meals and $2.00 for the next day.
Monday, Aug. 4 Cared for.
Tuesday, Aug. 5
A letter from Mr. S with a dollar from Myrtle (McKay). We had had no
breakfast and that supplied the need. Went to the mill.* In the evening the green auto
came and took us all to the mill. Mr. S was there. He had brought bags of peas, rice, etc.
* The "Old stone mill" at Run-around Pond.
Wednesday, Aug. 6
Had meetings up in the birch tree grove. Subject was unity. Mr. S
talked about our having heart interest in each other and making the "40" a
success, being loving. If we couldn't get along with a person to go and tell them how we
feel, that we can't bear them and we don't know whether they need to be changed or whether
we do, etc. then pray together. Love is the main thing. Pray for our 7 teachers and make
them a success.
Thursday, Aug. 7
Had meeting in the barn. Subject, Divine health. Taking in the life of
God for the present and future. Journey too great for us, arise and eat twice. August
talked this out. Mr. S went through the life of Elijah with us and talked to us about our
looking to the God of Elijah to take care of us. He asked if we wanted to accept the God
of Elijah for our God and we waited in silence for a while. He seemed pleased with the
school. He spoke to different ones. He asked me if my head ached all of the time. He said
God had not given him a ray of light about it. He said I was a nugget of gold. He said
there must be a lot coming out of the suffering.
Friday, Aug. 8
Mr. S went back to Boston in the a.m. He told us that morning about his
hammock breaking down and that he went right on sleeping. He gave Esther a little rock and
gave me a shell just as he was leaving. John had the sunset meeting with us. He had us
tell where we were and what we were doing a year from that date. It was the day before
Van's (Carpenter) birthday. John gave us all a pint of buttermilk.
Saturday, Aug. 9
Bread for breakfast right out of a clear sky. We came home* that night.
Our company, in the hay rack, landed about midnight.
*Back to Shiloh FEH
Sunday, Aug. 10
Avis' 50 cents provided a breakfast for us when there was nothing in
sight. Elsie Boyd left. I am feeling sick.
Monday, Aug. 11
Things come in from here and there and we are provided for. Bible
School begins in the turret. Esther (Sandford) comes in to live with me.
Tuesday, Aug 12
My head is very, very bad. Suffering all forenoon, in 9 0'clock meeting
and in Bible lesson---seemed unendurable. Bible School was together at 6. John brought in
a bushel of peas and said that Mr. S had sent us $4.98. The 4 dollars got the peas and the
98 cents, a big bag of soy beans. Mr. Fenderson sent us some macaroni. We had a praise
service. I t seemed so wonderful. The God of Elijah. Also $1.50 had come in providing for
our supper and breakfast.
Elsie suffering so that night. She came and told me that Grace was so
concerned about her that she called me out of meeting to see if I would get the case to
John, which I did.
He saw her and prayed for her and she was all right. I lay on lounge in Ebenezer the rest
of the night.
Wednesday, Aug. 13
I think it was this day that Susie Paine spoke in prayers of Friday
being Laura Milbury's birthday. I silently asked the Lord to give us something extra for
her birthday. After meeting we went to the kitchen and there piled up on the table were
all kinds of things from the Lisbon Falls church. Grace suffering much.
Thursday, Aug 14
Grace still suffering very badly. At night I see John and tell him
about Grace and how I have been suffering myself. He prays with me and I am much different
for days afterwards.
Friday, Aug 15
John goes to see Grace with me. He prays for her and she is all changed over
and she goes up to the turret with Esther and Louisa and me. We get companies picked out.
While there the auto comes from Boston with folks. The Bible School meets at sunset. John
asked Miss Milbury to tell history of her life. Quite interesting. We pray for her. Ice
cream and cake is served. Also candy from Mr. S. John tells us that he and Esther and two
that he picks from the Bible School are going to Boston at 8 the next morning. Esther and
I do not get to bed until after midnight---just lay down on bed in our clothes and pray
for John and for right ones to go in auto, etc.
Ruth (Brown) is crying and feeling very, very bad over prospect of
having to go home again. She comes in and Esther and I pray earnestly for her. The next
morning John goes to see Mr.O'Conner and makes arrangements for Ruth to go. Esther felt
that the Lord was going to make a way of escape for her. I speak to John before he goes.
He is feeling pressed and not much like coming back to the Bible School again. I write him
a note and give it to Esther to give him to read on the way. It is hard to have them go
but my delight is in the law of the Lord. The turret is left in my and Louisa's care. John
left word that we could go home until Sunday noon. Theodora sent me off, and over I went. (to the Old Ladie's Home) FEH
(No entries for Saturday and Sunday) FEH
Monday, Aug 18
We have Bible Lesson and then Mr.Hoad gives us the day to rest in and
be in the chapel on the platform at 8. We do so and take hold of the battle. Mr. Hastings
comes down while we are eating after midnight. He speaks words of appreciation for our
backing and words of encouragement. He said the devil is such a liar to make us feel that
we do not amount to anything, etc.
Tuesday, Aug. 19
Another day of chance to rest and do necessary work after Bible School.
Wednesday, Aug. 20 Avis comes in my room crying and moaning, etc., for a long time in the
p.m. She doesn't see how she can go on any longer, etc. It makes me suffer very much. I
don't know what to do for her. She hasn't eaten any breakfast and objects to my bringing
her any dinner. I tell Theodora and she takes her dinner up.
Thursday, Aug. 21
Dear Mama comes over and she feels so bad because she forgot to bring some
blueberries. Avis eats no breakfast. I eat a little--carrots and beet greens, but wish I
hadn't because they make me so sick I have to ring turret bell to be relieved. Grace is
suffering very much. I pray for her. Later in the day she seems better. Elsie is also
suffering much. I go from one to the other in response to their calls but I am a poor
comforter. We feel the need of John so much. Grace gives me a sugar cookie. I fight with
her because I can't bear to take it but she is so strong that I have to give in. I eat it
after 3 and it helps me a lot. Mama gave Avis the biscuit that she brought over for her
lunch. I feel relieved to see her get something into her. Mr. Hoad excuses her from
meeting. She gets a birthday letter from Herbert which does her much good. Papa comes over
in the evening and brings us string beans and blueberries. Dear papa and mama. Mama wants
us to be sure and come over on Avis' birthday or the next day.
Friday, Aug 22
(Avis' birthday. FEH) Folks go berrying.
Avis feels love and interest of the Bible School. It is so good to see her feeling better.
She sticks to chapel when only 1 or 2 of the Bible School are there. During sunset meeting
we talk about Avis and lay hands on and pray for her. She is so pleased, just what she
desired. Apples come from Mr. Marstaller and are passed around. Chocolates come from
Myrtle. While passing chocolates, John walks in on us. How delighted we are to have him
back. Some things had made him feel as though he did not want to come back to the school.
But when he got a report of things going hard he went and asked his father if he could
come and his father got the word, "return". There was a crowd of boy scouts on
board boat* so he could not sleep much and he had his lunch stolen and then so as to send
money to Mr. Fenderson (for they were high and dry up there) he walked from Portland with
the exception of a 6 mile auto ride.
I come out on the veranda with Grace but I am all nerves and cannot
sleep. I write letters to Ruth (Brown) and Esther (Sandford). I write Mr. S, telling him
about John, etc. It is a quarter to 4 before I settle down to go to sleep and write
a note to John.
*The Boston to Portland steamer. FEH
Saturday, Aug. 23
Avis and I go home together. Mama has an array of birthday things on
bureau. I go out to the barn and have a good time seeking God. I always feel dissatisfied
with my visits home. I found God but suffered again later in the day.
Sunday, Aug. 24
I took my piece of birthday cake and a biscuit Avis gave me and a hard
boiled egg mama gave me and did them up and wrote a little note on the egg and took it to
Fern (Brown). She is awfully thin and feeling poorly. I took a white gem left from Sabbath
breakfast and my other egg and gave them to Etta.
Monday, Aug. 25
Many of the school go berrying. Mr. S comes in the p.m. He goes into
the "Living Waters" room and God gives him the word, "begin". He sends
for the Bible School and what a feast * we do have, up until about 3. Then we come up and
eat some supper and go to bed. The auto starts back taking Charles (Marstaller), Mr.
Holland, Mr. Wakeman and Mr. Anderson.
*Doris is referring to a
"spiritual feast". FEH
Tueday, Aug. 26
In chapel we tell of some of the things Mr. S said to us. Mr. (Frank)
McKenzie, who comes back in the auto, takes up the battle again. Mr. S has us rest until 9
and we eat breakfast at 9:30 and go to chapel at 10.
(No entries for Aug. 27 & 28) FEH
Friday, Aug. 29
August (Marstaller) walks into chapel just before sunset. John goes to
Hephzibah* and stays until 1.
*House below Shiloh, next to
"Higgins cottage". FEH
Saturday, Aug. 30
We have a bountiful sabbath breakfast. Plenty of corn bread, a slice of
white bread and butter, a piece of ginerbread, a piece of fruit cake, half of a doughnut,
apple sauce and cocoa. We go to the farm house* at 12 and spend a delightful afternoon
with our teacher. In the evening he comes up to chapel and leads the meeting, closing at
midnight, then sits around. He sleeps in # 25.
* "Hephzibah" FEH
Sunday, Aug. 31
Auto starts off in a.m., taking Lucille (Holden), Lester
(Matchett), Joseph (Holland) Everett (Knight) and Miss Smith.
Monday, Sep. 1
I was going to the turret from 2 a.m. to 4 a.m. I awoke at
4:45 and realized that I had not been to the turret. Never, before, had I failed to awaken
enough to get up at the sounding of the alarm clock. I don't know whether I shut it off so
quick that I did not wake up or what happened. Next morning John asked me about my alarm
clock. He said he hadn't felt right about my going (to the turret), but did not know what
to do about it so he was going to let it go and tell me the next day what he thought of
it. But he sat around--he hardly knew what for--but noticing at 2 that I had not gone up
he went up and took the watch--first of all binding*up my alarm clock or praying that a
deep sleep would fall upon me so that I would not hear it, then he prayed for me for one
half hour. Just think of it. How could God love me enough for that and how could John care
enough? He said it was the best watch he had ever had.
He said he got a lot out of it. (I was dead tired that night.) He told the Bible School.
Of course it did me much good to have such interest manifested. I told him I should fear
before his prayers hereafter and if anything extraordinary happened to me I should come
around and find out what he had been praying!
* A term used in the Kingdom, taken from Matthew 16:19 "and
whatsoever thou shat bind on earth shall be bound in heaven and whatsoever thou shalt
loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven." FEH
Tuesday, Sep. 2
In the evening Elsie and I have a good talk with Isaac (Gleason). He
talks out his heart with tears rolling down his cheeks. So frank and hearty. We do all we
can to encourage and help him.
Wednesday, Sep. 3
I go to the turret with Grace at 9:30. We pray for John and the school.
Letters come from Lester, Philip (Holland) and Lucille. The letters are read while we are
together in the p.m. It is so good to hear anything from Elim. I am going to the turret
from 2 to 4 a.m. so I must go to bed. Meeting let out earlier than usual for a great
rarity. Papa comes over to meeting in the rain and brings Avis and me an apple a piece. He
brought us two apples yesterday. Dear Papa, always thinking of us and going without things
himself to give them to us.
Thursday, Sep. 4
I write John a note telling him what good those few words he said to me did
me--about getting help and how the Lord was helping me very specially since. My alarm did
not go off (I suppose because I had it inside the bed, but I awoke all of a sudden about 5
minutes past 2 a.m.
Friday, Sep. 5
Most of the school go berrying. I clean Mr. S's room, # 25. Avis goes
home at night. John wants me to go.
Saturday, Sep. 6
A call comes that as soon as I am dressed, Miss Milbury would like to
have my help in the kitchen, so I do not stop to seek God. I receive a letter from Mr. S
for the turret. Van (Carpenter) tells me the auto is not coming this week and Fern thinks
I should go home . So with that, and what John said, I go home, not feeling much like it,
myself.
Sunday, Sep. 7
I am feeling very bad. I write John a note and tell him that I have
come to a total stand still, etc. I stay in bed in forenoon. No 9 o'clock meeting
anywhere. I am still suffering greatly and am helpless.
Monday, Sep. 8
Mr. S is at Hephzibah. He had chosen his party and then he brought up
my name and asked me. I said I was very desirous of going but did not want to unless it
was God's will. He spoke of having no light that I was to come but that it was a blessing
to him to have me around, etc. But he did not know but what I was needed in the turret.
Finally I had a very few minutes to get ready and then off with Emma (Marstaller), Esther
(Wilkinson) Rebekah* (Holland) and Benjamin (Holland), along with Miss Dart and Mr. S. We
landed at Elim about 12:30 a.m. The stay at Elim was a strenuous time---battle on for the
mortgage. I was so thankful for the chance to be with Mr. S. Very delightful meetings full
of God and glory as well as strenuous and very serious ones.
* Bible spelling FEH
(The diary jumps ahead to October,---no explanation. During this
time the mortgages on Elim have been fully paid off. The "40" are still in
Boston.) FEH
Monday, Oct. 20
Mr. S keeps the Bible School after the others go to supper. He talks of going
to the Hill of Hachilah and to Shiloh en route. He goes down to supper with us and we
play* with our knives and forks and sing, "We're on the way to the Hill of
Hachilah." He sat around with us in the small dining room for a while then went to
his room, saying that any who were homesick knew where his room was. Ruth Brown, Esther
Sandford and I went up and had a delightful evening. "A real home feeling", as
Mr. S called it. He pulled his couch up to the fireplace where there was a fire and lay
down. Esther combed his hair.
*Using them as "instruments". FEH
Tuesday, Oct. 21 (No entry) FEH
Wednesday, Oct. 22
We start for Shiloh about 7:30 a.m. Mr. S, Emma and I in the back seat.
Hope (Kelsey), August and Mr. Wakeman in the next. Lila and Iva (O'Connor) in front. (Mr.
O'Connor driving.) A very delightful trip. We land at Hephzibah and after a praise service
we go up to Shiloh together. The Bible School welcomes us in the kitchen. Mr. S sits down
and talks pleasantly and we eat our supper, then go up to chapel.
Thursday, Oct. 23
A day of suffering for me but I found God as I sought Him in the
evening and then I was called to the turret. Mr. S had us pray for the auto which had gone
back (to Boston) for the rest of the school. We stayed with him until midnight and the
presence of God was very real. He said my face looked all right and so did Hope's. He said
we were a blessing to him. He was not feeling good about the Bible School.
Friday, Oct. 24
I wait on the Lord as much as I can, with interruptions. Go to the
turret in the p.m. and pray very intensely and in dead earnest and in faith for a long
time for the 40. So glad as we all meet in the turret at sunset, all of the 40 and
teachers and Mr. S. He talks to us about loving one another, etc.
Saturday, Oct. 25
We meet with Mr. S in the turret in the p.m. and have a good time.
Sunday, Oct. 26
We begin the life of Jesus in the p.m. in the chapel. Mr. S tells of
some messages that God gave him. "Begin the harvest", "The golden gate to
the millennium", (meaningShiloh), Make ready for the harvest", "Begin
teaching in the temple", which meant for him to begin teaching in chapel. We stay
until midnight.
Monday, Oct. 27
We have meeting between 10 and 3 ourselves. Mr. S comes down to chapel at 3
and stays with us there until midnight.
Tuesday, Oct. 28
We go to the turret with Miss Dart from 9-12. We seek God with all our
hearts for the Christ to be formed within us. Madeline (Gifford) prays a wonderful prayer
in the spirit and prays us all through. We appreciate the Holy Spirit. Mr. S comes up in
the p.m. and stays until midnight.
Wednesday, Oct. 29
In the morning I have special prayer for Floyd *(Clark). Another day
spent in the turret until midnight.
*Floyd is ill with TB. FEH
Thursday, Oct. 30
Mr. S spends all day in the chapel with us. All of the Bible School sit
in the middle row. A wonderful day right up until midnight. Mr. S starts in having
Thursday as a day of fasting and prayer, for the entire movement, up until midnight.
Friday, Oct. 31
Mama's birthday, but we spend it in the turret again until midnight.
Such a good time after sunset. Mr. S expresses his love for us. God's presence and the
sabbath are so real. We stay until midnight.
Saturday, Nov. 1
Sick today. Another day in the turret until after 4 then we come down
and eat our breakfast prepared by some of the older people and go to chapel. The other
people come and we stay there until midnight and beyond---until 2 a.m. I come out about 2
and some stay until 3. Wonderful, wonderful week. Miss. Dart says she could see the Bible
School grow, the same as they speak of seeing flowers grow under a powerful glass. We talk
out our appreciation for God's goodness to us.
Some special points that I remember: Mr. S talked about our honoring
and loving the Holy Spirit 1o times more than we did and he had Miss Dart pray that we
would do this. We all testified and entered into it. There was earnest prayer for the
outpouring of the Spirit and to have Christ formed in us and a closing in for it. There
were dead in earnest prayers for God to make Amazon rivers flow through us---not babbling
brooks, not wide shallow rivers that make a good show but do not go deep. It was up to us
to have what we wanted and we put in our orders and asked God to clear out the channels of
our lives and to just handle us and put us through whether we wanted to or not, etc. He
said it would take suffering as we were only able to believe as we suffered. We had a time
of prayer over the words. "Go thou"--- and we were baptized into them.
Sunday, Nov. 2
Mr. S comes down to chapel in the afternoon and reads from Totten.*
There was not a prayer all the afternoon. He stays there until 2 the next morning
just talking about this and that. John and some of the others from the Bible School go to
the Stone Mill and have meeting in the school house. About noon the Bible school is called
to the kitchen to eat our supper, a chicken stew and dumplings and gems. Then the girls go
right to work on the wash. A little after 3 we were called up from chapel to Ebenezer.
* Professor Charles Totten was known
in the late 19th century for his study and writing on Bible chronology and
Anglo-Isrealism. FEH
Monday, Nov.3
Miss Dart has Bible lesson with us at 9. Turning water into wine,
"Whatsoever He saith unto you do it" and the water turns to wine. A little
after 3 we were called up from chapel to Ebenezer. Mr. S said he had called us together to
see if we were all right or something like that, before he left us. He asked us each
if we were walking in the light. He talked and then he prayed for Agnes (Fraser). Then we
sang, "On to Hachilah cries our great commander, on, etc., and he told us to keep
that right in view. We went down and saw him off.
Tuesday, Nov. 4
Bible lesson at 9 in rooms #1 & 2. Miss Dart talked to us about
believing in Jesus. We met again at 3. My work this week is the milk and lamps. And I fix
many carrots. Sent Mama a big red apple by Avis today, my birthday present to her and an
expression of love.
Wednesday, Nov. 5
Avis and I go home in the rain. Mr. Ed Shaw overtakes us and gives us a
ride which saves us from getting our feet wet which otherwise would be unavoidable. Mama
fixes some things for me which I need. I wash my hair and take a bath. Papa
gives me his old union suits. I suffer spiritually and feel very dissatisfied over
some things about myself.
Thursday, Nov. 6
We come back to Shiloh before 9. I spend the 9 to 10 hour seeking
Jesus to save me, etc., and find Him real. I go into chapel and testify to my heart being
hot with love for Jesus. Bible lesson in the p.m. I have a very unsatisfactory time in
waiting on the Lord after 4 p.m. Suffering so physically I am unable to get much,
just endure most of the time. I get so cold I have to go to room # 1 and sit and shiver by
the hot stove.
I go to the turret and call for John and speak to him about their
continuing meeting in chapel to pray for money when Mr. S said to go alone and
evangelization of the world was the main subject of the day. He thanked me for speaking of
it and I went down suffering in every pore of my being, so much so that I could not wait
on the Lord at all until I had written him a note about it and also the feeling I had had
for so long that he had something against me or was out of unity with me. He saw me in the
hall later and said he was disgusted that I had such a time over it. He said he didn't see
why I couldn't stand on my feet and speak for God as well as anybody and the other part of
the note was imagination. I said, "Thank the Lord if it is; it is a big relief
to know it."
Friday, Nov. 7
Avis goes home. The supper comes late and they cook it after sunset. I
go to the turret from 6 to 7. I eat my supper afterwards and feel so troubled.
I do not know what to do about cooking and washing dishes after sunset on Friday.
Elsie talks with me and I with her, then I suffer the rest of the evening. It
was nothing special but that combined with the rest makes me suffer much. They sing in #
1. I write a letter to Mr. S. After 10 I go out to walk with Lila.
Saturday, Nov. 8
I get up after 10. I am suffering. I try to pray or seek
God and cannot at all. I go into #1 and try to seek God but cannot. I eat
breakfast and go home. I am plunged into great suffering there, especially in the evening.
Tempted to utter discouragement. I am utterly baffled on a certain subject or two
that I have battled over for a long time and knew I had salvation. I go to bed in great
distress.
Sunday, Nov. 9
I am still in great distress. I take Papa's advice and stay there all
day. I fight and struggle through to God but it is a day of suffering. I write to Marie in
the evening.
Monday, Nov. 10
I find God this morning but am still very dissatisfied on that subject. I
write to Enid and Arnold in the forenoon and come back to Shiloh. Bible lesson at 2 out on
the steps. The sun is hot. Closing lesson is the gospels. We closed with "Follow
Me". We meet in evening to hear report of evangelistic trip. John and Theodora were
married one year ago today. I write them a note.
Tuesday, Nov. 11
The Bible School meets in # 1 at 9. Those who went to the mill Sunday doing
evangelistic work give interesting accounts of their work. After 10 we wash the turret
windows. My head feels so bad that I am just sick, but I plow through although it seems
like a mountain. Before 3 I go to Bethesda* with Esther's orange for Miss Pulford. It was
her birthday. I took her a little peach jam. She talks until after 4 then I go over home
and come back with Avis. John starts in the book of Acts with us at 7:30.
*Building for the sick. FEH
Wednesday, Nov. 12
I waited on the Lord and fasted and sought and found salvation from
some things in my life that had been baffling me. Spent the day in interests of
world---turning my own battles into that. It makes a difference to my 40 million whether I
live an overcoming life or not. I had a good day---the world on my heart. The Lord helped
me physically.
Thursday, Nov. 13
Mr. Hoad speaks at 9. Miss Dart speaks later. We pray for money to
purchase the Hill of Hachilah. Bible lesson at 1. Avis reads to Grace Brown and me in the
evening. About 9:30 or 10 Miss Dart gets together with those who wish to come and we seek
outpouring of the Spirit and pray for Benjamin and talk about him. It is his birthday. We
have a very good time. I was feeling very bad physically but felt better at the close of
the meeting.
Friday, Nov. 14
Bible lesson at 9 then work in the kitchen fixing apples and I do my
lamps and sweep my room and go to 3 o'clock meeting. It seems like a one-legged
affair---just a few women with Mrs. Greer leading. John has the sunset meeting. God is
very real to me. They sing around the organ. After that we have supper. After supper we go
to rooms # 1 & #2 and they sing for a long time. I go to bed feeling dissatisfied. It
seems that I do not want God very much. I do not keep in touch with Him, etc.
Saturday, Nov. 15
Herbert (Jenkins)* arrives early in the morning along with Mr. Holland.
In the p.m. the Bible School decorate rooms 1 & 2 and the dinning room and then
we invite Herbert to dinner and up to rooms 1 & 2. We welcome him in prayer and
expression and he speaks to us. He expresses his appreciation for our warm welcome. After
that we have meeting,some with John in the turret to prepare for their meeting at the mill
and some in room #1 with Miss Dart to prepare to speak in the temple. After that we go
down and fix apples. Lena gets stirred up about my working any longer and she goes way
upstairs to ask John about it. He says it is all right for me to stop. I am suffering in
soul and body. It seems over and over as though I could not keep going but others
feel the same way so that helps me to fight on as I see them doing so.
* Herbert Jenkins returns from
military service in the Merchant Marine.
Sunday, Nov. 16
My work this week is rooms 1 & 2. It is so hard to get up this
morning. I did not get up until the last thing, then had no time to pray. It seemed
as though I could not go to temple and speak. I swept and dusted rooms # 1 & #2.
It took me right up until 9. The Bible School met at 9 and sought the outpouring of
the Spirit and He met us. God helped us in the temple. Miss Mable Hicks told me afterwards
that she sat there looking at me and wishing I would speak and when I did it was just what
she needed and was a great blessing to her. That was worth suffering for. Chapel in the
p.m. Herbert is there and speaks. I go to the turret from 2 to 3. I pray for
souls--Carroll Campbell especially and for those at the mill.
In the evening the Bible School prays together and Miss Dart comes in
and tells us of her talk with Carroll and has a letter read to us from Elsie Bailey. Later
Lila tells me about Miss Myhre and we pray for her and go to see her to cheer her up.
Later we pray together again, praying for Miss Mills, Mr. Hoad, etc. I have had a pretty
good day. I spoke on 2 verses (In the Temple) "Blessed are they which do hunger---and
Blessed are they that mourn---.
Monday, Nov. 17
We hear that Emma (Marstaller) and Joseph Holland are going to the Hill of
Hachilah. After supper Lila and I go over to O'conners and on to Parkers to get Emma's
shoes. I do not feel like it but I go to save one of the boys, who have been working hard
all day, from having to go. We feel uneasy about going in the dark and wonder how we will
get over the muddy places. When we strike the first muddy place a lantern comes along just
in time to light us over it. Then at the shoe shop a lantern was given us to go to Parkers
with and then one to light us back to Shiloh. The three boys who lent it to us had a great
time hiding and shouting at us and then running ahead of us through the woods. When we got
to Mr. Shaw's suite where they had told us to leave the lantern, they were lined up on the
door step still as mice and laughed when we found them there---Rodney & Nahshan
Gleason and Victor Murray.
Bible lesson in the evening. I lie down afterwards feeling very bad.
I have a hard night, suffering much spiritually and unable to sleep well.
Tuesday, Nov. 18
No breakfast. Avis and I do not get up until after 8 o'clock. The auto
drives off about 8 with Emma and Joseph enroute for the Hill of Hachilah. Mr.
Hastings leads the meeting at 9, just seeking God. It is quite a help to me. After 10 I
sweep and dust rooms 1 & 2. I wash the doors and chairs and clean up the
bathroom. I go to the turret from 2 to 3. I have a good time praying for salvation
of different ones, etc. In the evening Mr. S came and said to get the Bible School
together right away. Van (Carpenter) said something about our expecting to have
supper right off so Mr. S said for us to eat our supper first. Then he went to the kitchen
and asked about the time for supper. He sent for 7 men and had meeting with them. The
Bible school had lesson. John brought word that we were dismissed and could do the
work but to stay around so we could be called any time. They finished dishes, then had
Bible lesson then some or most of us went and lay down and later we were called and Miss
Dart told us that Mr. S. had been down and they told him that we were ready to be called
any time. He said something like, he should think that we might wait on him as he waited
on God and then he went out into the hall. He said something about everything seeming to
go wrong and went upstairs. Miss Dart talked and prayed with us.
Mr. Holland came in and told Anna that Mr. S. wanted his breakfast at
4. Miss Dart spoke to him and she said Mr. S. seemed disappointed over not finding us
together. He felt God had said, "Retire" and he went to bed. We stayed up all
night. Miss Dart left us for a while not knowing what to do. She called me to her room.
She spoke of my matured prayer and of what a blessing it was. I expressed a desire to have
her with us and she came in later and labored with us the rest of the night. In the
morning we sent Lester Matchett and Joseph Anderson up to ask his forgiveness on behalf of
the Bible School. He did not have much to say. We went out to the car but he only said,
"Good morning, girls"and then said goodbye. We came back in and prayed for the
auto.
Wednesday, Nov. 19
I write a letter to Mr. S. There is no breakfast and no dinner. They
send me a biscuit and a piece of cookie and some apple sauce in a.m. At noon a cup of
cocoa and some squash and potato at night with a slice of white bread which I give to
Etta. We have apples. I go to storehouse and get extra food. I have 2 cents and I get 2
cents worth of meal and make gems and give them to different ones.
Thursday, Nov. 20
It snows into our room in the night, nearly all over the floor and on
my underclothes. Avis takes them down and dries them and I get up just before 9 and go to
meeting at 10. Bible School at 12:30. I suffer fearfully with my head through the lesson.
I succeed in seeking God alone after 4 and we meet for another lesson at 8 and stay
together until 12. Then to bed. I am cold all night. We pray for Lila. It is her birthday
and we tell good things about her.
Friday, Nov. 21
A good deal of work to do today. A day of suffering. Avis and I go home
after the close of sunset meeting. I go to bed suffering and feeling rather under and
tempted to discouragement. In the night I awoke and these words came to me as though
someone had spoken them to me, "I will hear thee in a time accepted. I will succor
thee in the day of salvation." They kept going over and over in my mind and were
going through it when I awoke in the morning. I did succeed in getting good out of those
words and believed in Jesus. About 9 a.m.the next day, we heard Mama say good morning to
Herbert, so up we got. Avis and I went in and prayed for Mrs. Robinson. It was easy to
pray and believe. She and her sister, Mrs. White, appreciated our coming in very much.
Then Herbert came upstairs* with us and spent the rest of the afternoon with us and came
home (back to Shiloh) with us. We had Bible study at 6:30. I am suffering much all the
evening but go to turret from about 10:45 to 12 and meet the Lord there.
* To Mr. & Mrs. Whites rooms.
Sunday, Nov. 22
We will meet at 9 and seek God, especially over the evangelistic work.
Miss Dart called me out to go up and pray for Elsie Mc. She is bad off with
rheumatism. Miss Dart asked me to stay through the temple service so I did. I took Hope's
place in cooking the extra food and enjoyed it very much. I was working in the kitchen
this week. We knelt in the back kitchen this noon and prayed for our dinner and breakfast
and later both meals came in. We went to the turret in the p.m. and prayed for the
evangelistic work and 40 new Bible School students, also the $2,000 for Hachilah. I
had to leave and work in the kitchen. Miss Dart was burdened over the battle for
Hachilah. She came up to the turret with us.
Monday, Nov. 23
We are together again and stay until midnight. The same on Tuesday and
Wednesday. We fasted until 12. In the p.m. John read to us parts of his father's letter to
him. Awful words about his finding Shiloh asleep when he came and that the Master would
come and find us too weary and cold to see Him. How we prayed on that subject. I felt my
utter helplessness and was suffering terribly physically but I committed myself to the
Holy Spirit and before I got through praying I knew that I would be ready when He came.
Dear Miss Dart put her very life into leading, helping and teaching us day after day. We
knew we had prevailed for Hachilah.
Thanksgiving, Nov. 27
For breakfast baked beans and dark flour biscuit, 3 nice apples and a
BIG piece of delicious squash pie provided for the Bible School out of $2.00 given for the
Bible School. Bible School meets in rooms 1 & 2. The first hour, thanksgiving for
Jesus. Later we were called into the chapel to hear awful words in a letter from Mr.
S regarding the battle. We stay together until midnight then to the dining room where we
find plates around tables with 3 pieces of gingerbread and 2 apples. This and hot coffee
makes up our supper.
Friday, Nov. 28
The Bible School gets together. After the Bible lesson John speaks of
feeling all right about our going and doing work and we pray about it. I pray that it
seems as though I could not bear to break up unless we were sure the Holy Spirit was
leading to it. We stay together. After sunset meeting we go down to supper.
Saturday, Nov. 29
We do not go home. Avis reads to me after sunset meeting until
midnight.
Sunday, Nov. 30
John and the young men go to the mill. I spend 9 o'clock hour and
temple service in my room preparing to have meeting with the high school. I meet with them
from 1:30 to 3.
Monday, Dec. 1
Lucille's birthday.
Tuesday, Dec. 2
Esther (Wiley's) birthday. Boys are in the woods*. Girls pray in the
turret in companies. My company goes about 9. After 10 I come down and meet Susie (Payne)
and she says Miss Dart is troubled about the school not writing a letter to Mr. S.
Susie suggested to her that our company do it and submit it to the school later and that
brought relief to her---so although my head felt so bad it seemed that I could not write a
sentence I went back and we spent until midnight writing it.
* I presume the boys were cutting wood. FEH
Wednesday, Dec. 3
John typewrites a letter and sends it to Mr. S. I am sick today.
Thursday, Dec. 4
No breakfast. People have their meeting in our kitchen and we meet
together and Miss Dart is with us in room # 1. John has lesson with us in p.m. After
4 we have time alone. Avis, Grace and I go down to her mother's and Avis reads to us. I
come back at 10. No good to pray or wait on God. I am suffering greatly,
physically. I sit up in room # 1 until it seems as though I cannot endure any longer and I
come in and lie down until 12 then we have supper.
Friday, Dec. 5
No breakfast. Supper in room # 1. After sunset meeting John and others sing
most of the evening. Avis goes home.
Saturday, Dec. 6
I get up about 8:20 and help Elsie get breakfast. I go home about 10
o'clock. I suffer on the way home over myself and my need of being deeper in God and
feeling that my sabbaths are not satisfactory. Herbert walks with us as far as the Pinkham
house. We have the Bible lesson at 7. I am suffering so that I cry all through
the Bible lesson. At the close Miss Dart speaks of those going to speak in the
temple. I tell her I do not feel that I possibly can and ask if someone can take my
place. She feels all upset over it and feels that they cannot do it at all if I am not
going to speak . She speaks with Mr. (Frank) McKenzie. Later she calls me out.
I cry right out loud and do feel that I can say anything to her. She comes in my
room and tells me how pressed she was on Wednesday. She felt that she was in the way
and wanted to crawl off into a hole somewhere. She tells me that Mr. McKenzie* feels
that it may be the devil pressing me and speaks of how he feels like the very devil
sometimes when he is going to speak. Miss Dart feels it is the devil and that it isn't so
much a matter of just whether I speak or not but that it would let in a swoop of the devil
on the school. She said she felt as though her head was in a vice but as she talks with me
she begins to feel better. Her words help me and the fact that she and Mr. McKenzie and
John all feel it is the devil. I come through enough to tell her that I will speak and I
go back in. She spends time helping us get ready.
Dear Miss Dart, how I do love her and she was so kind. I sat up all
night until 4:15 suffering so that I could not go to bed. John sits up late preparing for
his evangelistic trip to the mill but he sleeps in chair quite a while. I keep the
fire going and Anna sits up studying and praying until about 3. Hope comes down
about 2:45 on her way to the kitchen to cook beans for breakfast.
* Rev. McKenzie, one of the ministers
at Shiloh
Sunday, Dec. 7
It still seems utterly beyond me to speak but I go down (to the temple)
and the Lord helps us through most of it. It seemed quite unsatisfactory to
me. In the evening I help some with supper and help with dishes. I work cleaning in
the reception rooms. I write a letter to Aunt Edith. The entire school has to do
some evangelistic work today. The few left here in the p.m. have the time to wait on the
Lord. Miss Dart is feeling very poorly today but she comes and finds out how I am feeling
and she comes and brings me her watch. She is so lovely.
Tuesday, Dec. 9
Avis feeling very bad. Goes home with Papa. Etta feeling very
poorly. I go in and take her some blueberries that Benjamin had given me sabbath morning.
Also half of my piece of meat we had sabbath. I go to turret from 6 to 8 and
have quite a good time. I go into the chapel afterwards and come out suffering. Mr.
McKennzie called me into the gallery today and spoke to me about the condition that people
are in spiritually---hypnotized and dead, can't get through to God in meetings. He
seems rather in need of courage. I Was suffering much and his words were depressing.
He speaks of having the Bible Class sit on the platform. It is now 11:30 and I am
still up and hoping against hope for a chance to say a few words to John before I go to
bed. I go in and open Miss Dart's window for her. She tells me that she has a bone
to pick with me. She wants to know why I don't go to bed when I have a chance.
I tell her that I can't go to bed sometimes when I do have a chance. She asks
if it wouldn't do me any good. I say I don't know. She tells me that my note
came at a needed time. She asked me if I loved her tonight. I told her that I
always had. I sit up until 12 and then look in box and find a letter there from Aunt
Ede that needed an answer that night, so I consider that my sitting up was Providential
and I answer it and go to bed. John, Charles and others sit up most all night
writing or printing those pastel cards to send to people in West Durham.
Wednesday, Dec. 10
We work hard on our quilt square and I manage to get my second one
done. The Bible School is making a crazy quilt for Mr. S. for Christmas. We are going to
put our names in the squares. The boys have quite a time beginning and learning how to
make theirs. John and Charles won't make any. Lena comes in and says that she can't
get John to eat any breakfast and that he says that he won't eat until the lunch they had
in the night is restored four fold. They had, through somebody's mistake, gotten some
bread that was going to be used other ways. I took the 25 cents tithes of my
Christmas money and went to the storehouse and got flour and molasses and made up jems
which when all done amounted to exactly 4 fold and Lucille gave a jug of raspberries.
Grace took them up to room # 1 and we had 2 gems apiece and the raspberries. John had some
fun over it. Grace, Susie and I went to meeting. Mr. Frank McKenzie had it with the women
to help them out. These things are so hard to do but I leaned hard on the Holy Spirit and
He helped us. Mr. McKenzie had us pray and then we spoke.
Thursday, Dec. 11
A very cold day. Heat is on during the 6 hours. I suffer very much in
the Bible lesson (Mr. Hoad has it) and suffer afterwards. I am not able to wait on the
Lord at all, just suffer through the hours until midnight. John sits up all the rest of
the night preparing the Bible lesson. He sleeps a little. I go in and give him 2 cookies
and an apple from Avis and me but he will not take it though I try very hard to make him
do so.
Friday, Dec. 12
A day of suffering. Sunset meeting in Ebenzer. John and others sing in
# 1 afterwards. I feel so shallow and so very very needy spiritually. I come into my room
to seek God. I receive a letter from Esther and go into room #1 and read it and then try
to pray again. Theodora comes in and asks me what I am going to do. I tell her that I am
going to pray and ask the Lord to make me good. She thinks the devil is around my way and
thinks I will get more good out of going to bed. Grace wants me in with her-- feels
lonesome and asks me to do my praying in there so I stay with her and then I put up her
window and go to bed.
Saturday, Dec. 13
I get up and get breakfast. No general breakfast but extra food. I get
some for John and put it in his room. He comes down from the turret at 2 and then comes
down to the kitchen and has controversy with me about the food. He asks me how much cocoa
I drank, how many bisquits I ate, how much stew, etc. Finally the only way I can get him
to eat any is to give in and let him give me some and promise him I will eat it myself. He
brings to my room all the cocoa and 4 biscuits and 2 sweet gems. He tells me he isn't
doing it to be mean but just the oppostie. I am suffering greatly spiritually. Miss Dart
tells me about the problem being up about Theodora and John going to Hachilah. I help her
out some and then I go to helping Theodora and Lila and I walk down with her and John goes
down with her too to the Bowie house. Lila and I go back to the post office and we meet
Papa. We go back to the storehouse and then home with him. We get my broom, 80 cents.
Sugar has gone up to 30 cents a lb. Dear Papa, at the storehouse he buys and gives me some
sugar cookies. This fufills my desire for Mr. Street to have some. We meet the team and
the boys on foot going to the mill.
Miss Dart speaks to me when I get back about going to the turret from
10 to 12 and praying for Theodora and those walking to the mill. They had nothing to eat
all day and had only some apples to eat for walking out there. Theodora asks me to take
her place until Anna comes. It is quite difficult arranging the work with so many gone on
Sunday and Monday. I lead the meeting in the turret. The Lord seemed to meet us. We had
supper after midnight.
Sunday, Dec. 14
Held first meeting at West Durham since sending the postal cards out. The
first meeting was at Rice School house at North Pownal. Miss Dart has us together at 9 to
pray for those who have gone to the mill. Mr. Hastings speaks in the temple. Mrs.
McCooil's funeral was held at 1. After that I went up and stayed with Miss Rice for a long
time. It was a blessing to her. When I prayed for her I did not feel conscious of much
faith at first but just love, but as I prayed I just knew that the blood of Jesus cleansed
her from disease. Mrs. Radiline called me over and gave me 5 cents for soap for the Bible
School. She spoke of how she would like to be able to minister to the Bible School.
(Diary skips to December 18) FEH
Thursday, Dec. 18
Off for Hachilah. We meet in rooms #1 & #2 for our Bible lesson on
Hebrews. Before we got started Mr. Hoad came in and read a telephone message from
Hachilah. Bible School to come and bring 2 quilts and a pillow apiece. Weak ones to come
in car the first trip so as to go clear to the house. Boys to walk and girls wait until
auto comes back. Come prepared to rough it---one grip between eight people. The house was
alive and the weak ones hustled off. They told me I could go on the first trip. I said I
did not want to go so Laura went in my place. ( was suffering so very much spiritually
that I felt I must get some help before I started.) I did go to see Mr. Hastings and he
helped me. The auto was delayed and the Bible School met and prayed. I swept the kitchens
and hunted for Esther's things. Finally Mr. O'Connor came and told us the car's radiator
was broken and the car could not be used. What were we to do? We felt like walking. John
had come up to help us. God had given the word "send", for him. He had been
telling how cold it was at Hachilah. They had no food so we would have to fast, etc. We
thought of the story that Mr. S. had told us about the queen who put every kind of
difficulty between herself and her troops and they charged through to her and we felt like
doing that. John and Charles had a private conversation and word came to be off. We
hustled to Lisbon Falls. We thought the train had gone. It looked as though we would have
to turn back or walk. Soon an electric car came and we got on. John faced the fact that we
might have to wait in Brunswick until morning because of the train not coming at the right
time. The train was late but we only had to wait about an hour. We had to get on a crowded
train and some sat on the arms of seats. We walked from Bowdoinham, 4 and 1/2 miles. John
was bound to carry all our bags in spite of our objecting strongly. I had strained the
cord in my leg so every step hurt me and more so as we went on. We got there at 4 a.m.
Friday, Dec.19
Emma,* Theodora and Esther were sleeping in the kitchen, they got up
and Emma gave us some hot rolled oats. John set up a stove. They built a fire and we lay
down 3, 5 & 6 on a bed while others laid on chairs in the kitchen. We met at 9 in the
front room. Mr. S had greeted some of us from his window and his face fairly beamed with
love. We prayed for him from 9 to 10 and then prayed that we would be prepared for the
truth, expecting to spend the week on Revelation. He came down after 10 and we had a love
feast indeed. He wanted to make each one feel that he loved us and feel the home comfort.
He prayed that I would forget I was an individual and we would be melted together so our
heads would drop---not be telling of our dislikes for certain ones---not be making
remarks, not even think thoughts about each other we would not want to express aloud to
them.
He gave us all a chance to talk and he spoke of nearly all the
testimonies being living. He said God said, "Bring", concerning our going to
Hachilah. He said we had won out, that God would never have given His sanction to our
going to Hachilah if we had not. He prayed for us all. We did not take up Revelation. He
felt like waiting until Charles (Marstaller) came. He was coming that day with the team.
He talked about our having a nap or going to walk or both. He started off across the ice
and most of the girls followed him. Some of the men cut wood. I started to follow him but
he was clear across the ice and I didn't want to go if I could not be with him.
They went up on Mt. "David" and got back about 4. We gathered
again in the front room and had a sabbath service. Then we had those that had gone to walk
with him tell about it. They did enjoy it and told glowing stories. He spoke of how he
liked to have everybody there. He asked me why I did not come and I told him. He gave me
to understand that the shepherd would always wait for the sheep, etc. I think he had us go
to bed about 10 o'clock. Theodora, Etta and I slept together upstairs where there were 3
beds. They put up a stove for our benefit.
Miss Dart and Grace slept in the little room just off from ours. They got there Thursday
night and they slept that night on 2 wooden settees put together with a quilt or 2 under
them and 1 or 2 quilts on them. (The bedding did not come until Friday). They slept so
close together that they could not move. In the morning they came down to the bed room we
were in. They were both laughing and speaking (jokingly) of the glories of their sleeping
quarters. No stove had been put up there then. That afternoon Miss Dart asked me if I had
been up and seen her room and I said no. She went on at the greatest rate telling about
the steam heat and electric lights and soft couches, etc. Actually, her room was
unfinished. Mr. S talked that evening of getting up in the morning and taking up
Revelation all day. Instead, we got up after 10. For breakfast we had oat meal and white
bread and dark flour bread and plenty of it. In the evening natural fruit apples were
passed around. Hachilah fruit. I think we had some gruel for supper.
*Mr. Sandford's personal cook.
Saturday, Dec. 20
Breakfast about noon. Plenty of corn bread and peas. Later, we received
word to come out of doors for our lesson and bring our pillows to sit on. So out we went
with pillows and Bibles. John tied a rope to a tree at the bottom of the steep hill and
the other end to himself and we went down by it. Mr. S had a fire built on the rock and we
got around it and read the book of Hebrews. The bay was right in front of us and was not
frozen next to the shore so we had to be careful not to get into the water in passing each
other. Two did get one foot in. He told us how he worked an hour or more trying to make
the fire burn. And kept saying to himself, "Oh, for a comrade and he sent up a smoke
and then much smoke, but the Indians didn't come." He had a lot to say about that.
Only 2 came. Alice and Elsie (Gott) found him. He told them to get their breakfast and
bring it down and not tell anybody else. They did so and he ate with them.
Mrs. S sat there and sucked on an icicle. Occasionally the fire had to
be fixed and we changed around so everyone could get warm. A nice time, but our feet got
very cold. Then John tied himself to the line again and the men helped the ladies up. Mr.
S said I went up like a deer. Then off we went across the bay on the ice and sat with Mr.
S and rested until they all got across. The ice went up at quite a rise at landing and the
men helped us up. Wilbur (Smith-Livingston) slipped down but he was up again almost before
he was down and he said that was all right. That pleased Mr. S so that he wanted to know
why he didn't do it all the way over if it was all right---what did he want to wait until
he got there for, etc.
Then when others came and while they were trying to get up over it he
told them it was all right if they did slip down, etc. Then up we went to the top of Mt.
David and viewed the surrounding country, counted the islands and Mr. S told us where the
5 rivers were and named them. Then back home again, a pleasant trip. Then around the
fireplace again we ate apples. He talked to us about learning to make baskets. He said,
what was the good of having Indians if they didn't know how to make baskets, etc. He
talked about our going in to town and selling them for cabbages, etc. He talked of sending
a company up to Mirak Heaths to bless them and invite them over on Sunday. He felt God had
said for them to go, so off some went. We prayed for them. When they came back they gave a
glowing report of their trip. We all had some hot gruel. He had that of going up to the
island that morning but God said "Avoid, ice weak in places". We had a great
time that night hunting pillows up and down the stairs.
Sunday, Dec. 21
Some looked out the window about 9 o'clock and saw Mr. S going
carefully across the ice to the isle of Squanto. God had told him to go. Some followed and
they had a fine prayer service, "setting the isle on fire". By the time I got
across they were just coming off but he let us go on so we could have the pleasure of
having been on it. Then we walked on a long way on the ice and back home. We had some
breakfast, 3 pieces of corn bread and went into the front room and he had them tell us
about the prayer service and he kept at it wanting us to sense the meaning of it. They
prayed for all of the lonely souls on the globe and told about Squanto, the lovely Indian.
He read to us about him and we prayed that we would melt and he told us to melt, etc. He
had a cake and he said we would have that for supper.
In the evening Mr. S went out and suggested that we also go out and get
a little air. When he came back in he asked who had gone out and about 10 raised their
hands. He talked of giving the cake to those who had gone out. He asked if we thought the
others ought to have any and we said we did. He gave us each a piece and kept on until all
had a piece. In the afternoon we went to the bluff head and sang to the north, south, east
and west. "All aboard went out the call, this gospel train is free to all, all aboard
our song shall be, salvation full, salvation free." Then we went around by the old
road and home again. By the fireside again he talked of having a drive on wood the next
day. We took up Peter & 2nd & 3rd John. He talked to us about "man shall not
live by bread alone". He spoke of how long Moses went, etc. He said we would have
James for breakfast and 1st John for dinner. He talked about invalidism* and we prayed it
out of the school.
* "Of no force, authority, or
value: not valid." The Holt Dictionary. FEH
Monday, Dec. 22
The boys got up at 6 and cut wood that was up at the house. They had
some gruel to work on. The girls had 2 cups of gruel and went to work after 10. We read
James during the 9 o'clock hour. He called it having James for breakfast and 1st John for
supper. At 10 we went to work. Boys on the other side of the bay cut wood and the girls
carried it across. Some carried it in their arms and some tied a rope to sticks and
dragged them. It must have been nearly 1/2 mile across the ice. Joseph (Holland) got the
wood up the steep bank and loaded it on to the wagon and the horse hauled it to the house.
Back and forth we went across that ice. Esther and Lucille tried to get me to go to the
house. But I did not want to even though I felt very bad. I did not sit down at all.
Mr. S had an awful fall, striking on the back of his head. He felt as
though he wanted to get off the ice after that. He said he sympathized with Miss Dart (she
does not like to walk on ice). The boys stopped cutting and helped us carry the wood. We
got awfully hungry. After we got through all that I felt about ready to collapse. Mr. S.
called the men into the woods to cut more wood and come back at 3. John was so hungry, he
said, he could eat dry meal and felt like getting some bark to eat but off they went
taking reefs in their belts. Charles said to John as they turned back, "We can only
die once." When we girls got up to the house Lila and I went behind the house and
prayed for some supper. After Mr. S. came back he told them to make all the supper we
wanted. We had to wait a very long time for it and , "the waiting time is the hardest
time of all." It surely was. Mr. S. gave us all some salted peanuts that night. He
served them with a big spoon and small spoon into our hands. That night Mr. S opened a
package that came in the mail and found nuts and chocolates in it and he talked of our
eating them. Mr. S. lay on the couch and Esther combed his hair. He spoke of the fall he
took and Miss Dart wanted to pray for him because sometimes bad results come from such
falls--and we did. Later in the evening he began to tell of his ailments in a most
ludicrous way and sent for the Dr. (Miss Dart was upstairs)** and he sent a second
delegate right after the first to tell her he had a fever, etc. He told them to look very
sober. He really was feeling very bad from his fall but no one would know because he joked
so about it.
Mrs. S. was just doubled up when Miss Dart came down stairs and that
made Mr. S laugh out loud. Mr. S spoke in the evening about the boys wood cutting in the
morning sounding like the voice of the Almighty. They did it because they wanted to. He
got a baptism of the Holy Ghost through it and the tears poured down his cheeks.
* All of this on 2 cups of gruel. FEH
**Miss J. Dart was a nurse. FEH
Tuesday, Dec. 23
We met at 8:30 and prayed to be prepared to take up Revelation. Mr. S
came and we went across the ice to the "Isle of Patmos". It is 2 or 3 times
larger than Squanto, a crescent shaped isle. We sat on the sunny side and built a
fire. We felt the presence of the dove of peace, as Mr. S. expressed it, so that we
hated to leave the spot but we had to on account of the cold. We took up the first 2 or 3
chapters. Then across the isle on the ice again and across to the other side and down onto
Bluff Head. Mr. S showed us the "Cave of Elijah". He talked of walking all
around the farm but some did not feel able so we went down by the bay and he showed us
where the northern boundary is and told us that, like Moses, we should see it, but not put
our foot upon it. When we got back to the house he was feeling pretty bad. He talked to us
on the book of Revelation and we prayed a long time. He retook the colors, the white
& gold, Shiloh's colors that have been trodden down for so long. He commissioned
us to see to it that they forever remained at Shiloh. He prayed for white and gold
in our lives, etc. Then we had a time of thanking God and we felt as though Revelation was
finished. He felt worse and worse physically---from his fall.
He got word about auto work just beginning Tuesday and it made his
spine feel as though it was on fire. His stomach burned, etc. We finally got him to lie
down and Mrs. S combed his hair. The back of his neck felt too sore to be touched. He
talked over our going home and how could we get there without the auto. He had felt that
he was to go to Boston and we to go somewhere on Wednesday. He talked about it until he
did not feel able to think and went to sleep. Esther and I went upstairs and prayed
together for him to have light and his every need met. The school had laid our hands on
him and prayed for him.
Wednesday, Dec. 24
We met in the front room and later Mr. S. called us up to his room and
told us he got the word "Send" and "return" and we talked over what it
meant and a good many felt that we were to go that day. Mr. S. said he would like to have
us spend Christmas Eve with him. We talked about spending the week waiting on God alone. A
week with David and then a week with God. He spoke to us about the way we laughed, being
so disgusting to him. We voted on who should be in the school. All were voted in except
Esther O'Conner who felt that she should go to High School. Mr. S told us what he had
about John's being principal of the High School. The words came to him, "John
Sandford, Master or Principal of the High School." He asked us all to talk out our
feelings abut it, as to whether it was of God or not. I said I felt more against it than
for it. I did not know what he would think but he said nothing. When we voted I voted
against it. Most of the school were in tears, Miss Dart included and Mrs. S. too. Mr. S.
asked her what she was crying for--said she spoke as though she favored it. She said she
did but that she felt so grieved, with such a sadness about it. When he asked Theodora,
she said she wanted what the Lord wanted. I admired her for saying that. I was suffering
so over it, it seemed more than I could have said.
I finally managed, with all the strength of soul I could muster, to
choose the will of God and to say, "I embrace all Thy Holy Will", but I felt as
though I was hugging arrows to my heart when I said it. It seemed like a thing unendurable
to me. Theodora sat there with her hand up to her face, crying and then left the room. I
heard her crying out loud in another room and after a while she came back. Mr. S. spoke of
our giving John as a Christmas present. He wanted us to pray for him, but he saw that it
wouldn't work. It seemed to me like Abram offering up Isaac. Mr. S asked me what I was
crying for and I said over the thought of John's leaving the Bible School. Mr. S spoke of
John and Theodora going to her father's cottage to live. Theodora said that Shiloh seemed
more like home to her. Mr. S said we would all be losing our nice little nest in Shiloh
Proper. He said that the other class would want that building and we would have to go into
the extension and fix that up.
In the evening we went down to the front room. John went to telephone
and find out about the auto. Mr. S. said that we might as well lie down until John got
back. Later word came to settle down for the night. That forenoon in his room he wrapped
us in the Light of Life (power to live the Bible.) He threw it over the young women like a
shawl and over the young men like a cloak. About 10:20 a.m., Dec. 24, 1919, "Power to
live the Bible we have read this year." He gave it to us as a Christmas gift.
There are no entries from Dec.24, 1919 to Jan. 14, 1920. FEH
Wednesday, Jan 14
A box of white bread came from Elim to the Bible School. I stay in bed
in the morning. Miss Dart steps in and says she was going to tell me I had better keep
quiet. She speaks again of feeling that the class I have on Sunday and Thursday noons is
too much for me. She said I looked so bad when I came up from it on Sunday and had not
looked right since. I had felt very miserable, head VERY bad. I got up in the afternoon
but felt too bad to attend 3 o'clock meeting. In the evening, Grace, who had gone with
Miss Dart to Mrs. Hastings' came back and got the school together and told us that Mrs.
Hastings felt that she was going to die. She had the children come in and she said good
bye to them---a very touching time. Miss Dart went with that verse, "I am come that
ye might have life".----We took hold and prayed with all our hearts and God gave us
faith. I went over with Charles and Anna that evening. Mr. Hastings asked me if I wanted
to go in the room and I did. Miss Smith told Mrs. Hastings that I had come in to see her
and she said, "My dear children." Miss Dart stayed in with her all night. Most
of the time Charles, Anna and I sat up out in the kitchen ministering to her. It was Mr.
Hoad's birthday and we prayed for him and talked out our appreciation for him. In the
morning Mr. Hastings is suffering keenly over Mrs. Hastings. At his request we go in and
pray for her to have white robes. God met us and it was easy to believe. Miss Dart said
that she looked beautiful after that. Then we prayed for Mr. Hastings. He was about
overcome with grief and sorrow, stony grief, He said as he knelt, "Out of my
stony grief, Bethel you can raise." And he did. He came through victorious, though as
he said afterward, it seemed to him that nothing in earth or heaven could possibly comfort
him. In the afternoon Grace and I went in with the children*and we prayed. (Mr. Hoad had a
cry in his heart for just Jesus Himself. Not prayers about Him, but Him.) Then the
children went out and he asked Grace and I if we wanted to lay our hands on her and we
did. Then we prayed for him. Later, Miss Dart got the words, "I am come" and
"This is none other than the gate of heaven." A little later Mrs. Hastings cried
out a little and then breathed harder and passed peacefully away about 6:30 p.m.
* The children at home: Mary, David,
Marshall, Elma, Eva, Almon. The family was living at what was later the Peterson farm.
Thursday, Jan. 15
Mr. Hastings was victorious. We sang quite loud as she was dying,
thinking she might hear us, "Joy, oh joy, behold the Saviour---". The children
stood by the bed. Mary said the sting was taken out of it. It was life, not death. Mr.
Hastings asked David if he would walk with him in white to the end, or something like that
and David said that he would. We left the family alone. Later, the children came out and
Miss Dart and Grace and I went in and talked and prayed with Mr. Hastings. Then Grace and
I went upstairs with the children and Mr. Hastings. Marshall lay on the bed with a bad
headache and I rubbed his head. Mr. Hastings, with Mr. Hoad's help, got a telegram ready
to send to Sandford.*
*The eldest child. He, Solomon and Alfred (adopted) had left Shiloh
while in their teens.
Friday, Jan. 16
I went over and stayed with the children. Mary and Elma went to the Old
Ladies Home with me. I got my quart of strawberries for Mr. Hastings. Mama
gave me 2 quarts of raspberries. Susie (Payne) and Anna (Marstaller) came over in the p.m.
and helped Mrs. Housler. Philip (Holland) and Isaac (Gleason) came over and stayed all
night and cared for the body. Mrs. Hastings had a smile on her face today.
Saturday, Jan. 17
Grace and I went over in the morning. Mr. Silvius came and took her
(Mrs. Hastings) picture. Then the family all went to Higgins' cottage. I stayed there
until they came home and had fires going for them. I slept with Mrs. Housler and did
up the work after they had gone over again in the morning.
Sunday, Jan 18
The funeral took place in the chapel at 1:30 p.m. Mrs. Hastings' casket
was white. The inside was white and gold with flowers. Grace and I sat in the second
row with Mary and Elma. Mrs. Andreson and Miss T. Smith, also. It was very
hard to speak. I went down to the graveyard after. It was a stormy day with
deep drifts. Mr. Hastings stayed here in Shiloh proper in room #3. The children
stayed at Higgins' cottage. I went over and stayed there all night. Lucille (Holden)
went with me for company. The children wanted me to stay.
Monday, Jan 19.
I came back home just before dark. Bible lesson was at 7:30.
Tuesday, Jan. 20
Grace and I went over to the Hastings. Almon was sick. I went down and
saw Miss Rice that forenoon and told her about Mrs. Hastings.
Wednesday, Jan. 21
I went over and found Almon a little better. Bible lesson in the
morning and again at 3.
Thursday, Jan. 22
No breakfast. I stayed in bed in the a.m. Bible lesson at 12. All
the evening to ourselves. I went to Peniel and found God. We had some supper about 9.
I lay down after that feeling unable to wait on the Lord any longer. Avis
came to bed after 10 and asked me to go to bed too and it seemed as though I might as
well.
Friday, Jan. 23
Went home in the afternoon. I ate a lot of apples that evening. I
walked with Mr. Hoad most of the way to the Hastings. He told me that Sandford and Solomon
were there so I did not stop.
Saturday, Jan. 24
Miss Dart said that I could stay until Sunday a.m. Papa and Avis read
the Bible to me most of the day. It the evening I made a collar and mended.
Sunday, Jan. 25
It snowed and was so deep that I did not come back until afternoon. I
called in at the Hastings with Papa on the way and found that Sandford and his uncle
(Melvin) had been there Saturday for the purpose of getting the children away.* The Bible
School had been praying that evening. Miss Dart had the "40" go to Bethesda and
other places to minister to the sick and I went. A few others went to the turret and
prayed especially for Mr. Hastings and the children. Mr. Hastings had come to the Bible
School in the a.m. and they prayed for him. I went to bed at 10 and sat up in the cold
until about 12, writing a note to Mr. Hastings. I copied a few verses and some things Mr.
S. had said and expressing my appreciation for his labors for me in past years.
*See "Sublimity of Faith",
page 601, "The Almighty And Us", page 388 and "Fair, Clear and
Terrible", page 403. FEH
Monday, Jan 26
Fasted for Mr. Hastings family. Went to the turret from 12 to 2. Had
special prayer for them---uncompromising prayer and God gave me faith and I knew that He
had handled things. In the evening the men went to the turret for an hour and then the
girls from 9 to 10. I felt so tired and so bad it seemed as though I could not go up---but
love compelled me to go. I was appointed to lead. We had loving prayer for Mr. S. and
Hachilah and then for Mr. Hastings and family. It seems like lightning let loose the
way I feel sometimes when I pray over that question. Sandford and his uncle were there
again in the afternoon and the situation looked serious but God's power seems so great and
man's so small.
Tuesday, Jan. 27
We had prayer in the 9 o'clock hour for Mr. Hastings and family. I went
over and spent the p.m. there. Mr. H. told me my note was a blessing and he was still
feeding on it. That did me lots of good. (One thing had blessed me a good deal and made
the Holy Spirit very real was as I was trying to see how I could get that note over to him
and could think of no chance, as I trusted the Holy Spirit to make me know how to get it
to him, I felt like taking it to the post office* though I hated to go down there when
fasting and did not know when it would get to him from there. I started and got out in
front of Shiloh just in time to find David there and I gave it to him.) Mr. Hastings on
his feet, head of the house and handling the situation. I stayed upstairs with the
children. Mr. H. was in long enough to tell me about his experience with Sandford and his
uncle day before. It was inspiring to hear him. His eyes were right on God. I went in the
other room to pray and told Mary she could come if she wanted to. She did but did not feel
like praying but she did after I had prayed for her. Mr. H. wanted me to take the little
ones out of doors and I did and came home and to the turret at 5. Bible School girls
(boys in the woods) went to the turret in companies of 4 all day in prayer for Mr.H. and
family. Also the need for wood, etc., in the Kingdom.
*The Shiloh post office at the end of
the road going up to Shiloh. FEH
Wednesday, Jan. 28
Esther's birthday. No breakfast. The Bible School spent the day in
prayer for Esther. We had Bible lesson and then prayed. Prayers ordinary and
unsatisfactory. We went to the turret and the young men charged and things cleared up. In
the 3 o'clock hour we talked about Esther. In the evening Grace and I went over to the
Hastings' house. We had supper when we got home. That night John called on us through the
kitchen window.
Thursday, Jan. 29
The Bible School met at 9. We have quite a charge* for coal. Miss Dart
comes in at 12. A matter of John's concordance being misused is a subject of a good deal
of time and we write him a note of apology. Ora's (Clarriss) birthday. We pray for her and
talk about her. I suffer much through the day. Avis and I go home at night and papa and
mama read to us until about midnight. I suffer fearfully with my head, etc. It seems more
than I can endure to go on but thinking of what Mr. S has said about our lives being laid
down and being martyrs and thinking of the man whom they stretched and when asked if he
would give up he only said, "Father, I embrace all Thy holy will" enables me to
endure what seems unendurable. It really is martyrdom and I feel as though I hadn't the
strength to endure. My head too bad to pray and wait on the Lord at all. On our way over
home John calls to us from his veranda and we go up and talk with him a few minutes.
* Loud, intense & demanding prayer
FEH
Friday, Jan. 30
We come back at 9. Back home again in the p.m. Avis goes first. I call
in at the Hastings and go on later. Mr. H said something to me that helped me. I was
suffering greatly. I put my glasses on and wore them some that day. The Bible School all
sent letters to Mr. S.
Saturday, Jan. 31
At home. People at Shiloh have nothing to eat all day. Papa and Mama
read to us most of the day. A stormy day and fearfully cold. We were supposed to be back
at Shiloh by 7:30. Papa felt we should stay and wrote a note to Miss Dart. Joseph
Anderson's birthday today.
Sunday, Feb. 1
Avis goes over to Shiloh. Papa feels that I should stay. I do and I write a
note to Miss Dart. Two birthdays today, Lena Marstaller and Harmon Tatro.
Monday, Feb. 2
Avis comes over and we go back together at 3. Miss Dart is sick.
Charles has meeting. In the evening we go back home again and take hen feed to papa. We
sit in kitchen a while and talk with Herbert and speak of being at war with him since papa
sat down between us and said what he did. I go to bed suffering greatly. Much pressed
almost all day.
Tuesday, Feb. 3
I go and pray and feel a little better. I write a long note to Mr. H.
about things that trouble me so awfully. At night we meet in the turret and the sword
flashes about our making our headquarters at home. We do business in the white light and
end with the white and gold. Then we read a very nice letter from Mr. S. to Miss Dart and
the Bible School in which he encloses a check for $25.00 for Shiloh. He speaks of sending
us all of their bread and some macaroni. We have the box brought right up to the turret.
Charles has a letter from Mr. S. with $10.00 in it for a barrel of meal for the Bible
School. We write a letter to Mr. S and close about 1 o'clock in the morning.
Wednesday, Feb. 4
Sick today. We are together from 9 to 4. We go to the turret. Bible
lesson the main thing, a passion for holiness. God meets us. That afternoon I suffer
fearfully. I feel as though I do not have it in me to stand the suffering. I feel no heart
in the Bible School or anything--nothing to live for, etc. I feel as though I would give a
good deal for a chance to talk with Mr. Hastings for I always get help and get God when I
do and it seemed that I could not get God at all myself. While I lay in my bed suffering
Mary H. comes with a note from her father. I go over with her and come back feeling like a
different person entirely. God is so good.
Thursday, Feb. 5
Meeting in room # 1 all day. Jesus is real and our hearts are full of
appreciation and love for Him. We close at 4 with his presence very real and His coming
the main theme---watching and being ready. In evening we wait on the Lord. My head
fearfully bad. I cannot wait on the Lord much--just lay in bed and suffer. Shiloh's supper
bell rings about 7. We hear that Mr. Hoad says for people to go to bed because of scarcity
of wood. They bring a gem around to us. I do not feel free to eat but am obliged to be in
bed and my head too bad to pray so I go to sleep without eating anything.
Friday, Feb. 6
My head is so bad that I can not hold it up. I rest it on a pillow
during the lesson. Rich lesson--Moses 40 days on Mountain. We meet at 3 and pray for dear
Anna--her birthday. We meet at sunset and after taking in the Sabbath we pray some more
for her and talk about her. Her character seemed wonderful to me as we talked and I covet
what she has ---that I seem to be so lacking in. Supper after that. I eat 4 small pieces
of corn bread, 2 helpings of gravy, 2 small cookies and I suffer much distress from it
into the night. I feel it must have been more than my stomach could handle and I must not
eat so much again. When we go up from supper we find John there. I go to bed, my head so
bad I cannot longer succeed in holding it up. I write a letter to Ruth Brown.
Saturday, Feb. 7
John's birthday. We meet at 2. Miss Dart speaks of ark in connection
with John's life. About 3 he comes in and we lay hands on him and pray for him until after
4. I leave about 4 with my head paining fearfully and all fevered and get into bed
and after a few hours it gets easier but I do not feel able to go down to the cottage for
the evening. John invites the 40 down at 6. I write him a note.
I stay in bed and try to pray but my head feels too bad. Avis comes home about 11.
She said when she handed John my note he said he hoped it wasn't a note of excuse.
She told him she guessed it was. I wanted to come but was not able. He said
something about my getting cooler than I used to be. That made me suffer. I laid
awake ever so long, restless and nervous. Avis unable to sleep for long time but
finally she gets to breathing heavily. John gives them a great big piece of
gingerbread and some apple sauce. They send mine up. Benjamin, Ora (sick with pleurisy)
and I are the only missing ones. Miss Dart went down. She told me that evening she never
felt more heart unity with the school as a whole but she also never felt more pressed.
Sunday, Feb. 8
My head paining so bad when I awake that it seems as though I cannot
get up and I do not. Margaret (Fraser) brings my breakfast up. Lydia came in with a
bag from home that Herbert had brought over last night. John brought me some apple
sauce and a great hunk of gingerbread. My work this week is lamps and reception. I
go to chapel about 1 and stay for an hour then go down and do my lamps. We meet in the
evening. I stay a while and then leave feeling unspeakably bad---head and nerves.
Avis comes up at close of the meeting and throws herself on the bed---all gone.
Monday, Feb. 9
Miss Dart gives us an earnest talk about the 3 feasts. Seeking outpouring of
the Spirit in interests of souls, main thing. I am suffering fearfully with head and
stomach burning. I cannot stay in meeting. I go up to room # 1 and where there is a little
warmth and in helplessness and weakness I seek God and ask Him to take me on when I feel
as though I CANNOT and I seek Him to strengthen me physically for the sake of souls. After
meeting lets out I sweep the reception rooms and dust. It seems as though I cannot get
through them but I do and then I do lamps. I go into room and look into the stove (one
stick in stove and none in wood box. I say something about burning our last stick and
dying and John, who is sitting back to at the table writing says for me to come down
to his house then and let him view the remains at least. He said something about I
wouldn't come when I was alive. I go over and hand him a note and then sit down and
write a letter to Enid in answer to one I received from her in the morning mail asking me
to write if any of us were sick at any time. Also, if we had no envelope or stamps we
could send a telegram "collect" and she would pay for it at that end, even if we
were not considered dangerously ill.
John got up from the table, pocketed my note and said he guessed my
middle name must be "notes". He said his father had called him, John Notes
Sandford. That evening I went down to see him and Theodora. He came in and wanted to know
what my troubles were. I said that I didn't have any very great ones for a change.
I suppose he thinks I am always full of troubles. I wish I could know how he
feels about me going to him in times of need. I have not done so since they moved to
the cottage because his school work took up his time. I feel as though I have been a bore
to him and that he does not like to get notes from me. Sometimes he doesn't read
them for a long time. I wish I could know how he really does feel and how he feels
toward me. He has been very, very kind to me but I sometimes feel as though he
doesn't have much use for me or could only barely stand me.* He insisted on my
having some gems. I objected. Then he gave me 2 apples and said I would have
to take the gems home with me. I objected so he stopped eating and said he would not
eat another bit of supper unless I would take them. I hated to awfully and could
hardly submit to it but I couldn't let him stop eating his supper. I appreciated his
kindness though. I ate the apples and brought the gems home with me. He asked me
next morning if they gave me indigestion. I enjoyed my call but do not dare to go again if
he is going to do such things. And I don't believe they really care to have me come
anyway.* I don't think Theodora likes me very well but she is nice to me.* *
How I wish I could know some of these things. I think we suffer unnecessarily
sometimes. We meet in the evening (I go to the turret from 8 to 9.) A letter
came from Mr. S in the p.m. and that night we wrote one to him.
It took until midnight. Miss Dart completely exhausted at the close.
*Ridiculous in my opinion. FEH
** Also ridiculous! FEH
Tuesday, Feb. 10
Some of us speak in chapel. It was pure self denial. It seemed as
though I couldn't but I did it to help Miss Dart. After meeting I came to my room and
sought God before I would go about duties of the day. I went over to the Hastings. He is
suffering much. Mary feeling very bad. I start to go and Mary calls me into the hall and
tells me her father is upstairs crying. She wants me to tell someone about him. He comes
out and we go in to the sitting room and he sits there and cries and then talks out how
how awfully he misses Mrs. Hastings. He suffers over the children going into what seems
like spiritual white slavery, etc.* It is heart breaking. He wanted me to tell Miss Dart
and a few others. Dear Mary went over and laid her head down on his and rubbed his head.
He thanked me for listening and then went upstairs and walked the floor.**
I came home and met Charles and others on their way over to see him. They were a big help
to him and they cut some wood for him. Miss Dart wanted to see me and she told
me I was very, very dear to her. That was such a comfort to me. She said that I was a
comfort to her. I told her about Mr. Hastings and she felt it keenly. She told me I could
get some of the girls and go to the turret and pray for him, which we did. We prayed for
Miss Dart who is very poorly. I stayed up 'till after midnight writing Enid in answer to
her letter. I did not know whether to trouble Miss Dart with that about Mr. H. or not but
trusted the Holy Spirit and he arranged it. How I love Him and hunger to know Him and His
leadings.
* Should the children end up going to
Canada to live with Bean relatives.
** My father often would pace the floor while praying. FEH
Wednesday, Feb. 11
Miss Dart calls me to her room and asks me if I feel like going over to
Mr. Hastings' for her in order to tell him something. After prayers I wrap up in my room
and take time to wait on God before starting off. Then I trust the Holy Spirit to lead me
when to go and I feel like doing lamps first. While at them word comes for the Bible
School to meet in the turret. A letter has come from Mr. S. that he is sending Mr.
Coolidge* and we pray over it. Then Mr. Hastings comes to see Miss Dart. She goes down to
Peniel and talks with him and then he comes up and we pray for him. A very good time. A
little before 3 we separate and come together again at 3. In the evening I walk over to
Mr. Hastings' and take their lantern over. It is such a joy to see the Holy Spirit lead me
as I look to Him. Older members of the Bible School meet in the turret at 8 to pray over
important issues.
* Mr. S.'s & Shiloh's lawyer
Thursday, Feb. 12
Older members meet in the turret until 12. God meets us. My head
paining so bad I come down about 11. My head pains very badly all day. In the
evening Avis tells Miss Dart and she sends word for me to eat.* Mary calls on me a few
minutes. She is considering coming to the Bible School. She said her father thought it
would be a help to her. She said I was next to her mother to her. Dear Papa comes in and
finds me in bed. He puts his hand on my head and tells me he thinks I should eat
something. My head pains fearfully all night. I hardly sleep at all. It seemed as though
morning would never come.
* Six hour fast from 9 to 3 every Thursday. FEH
Friday, Feb. 13
I get up and do my work--feel better. Mr. Hastings comes in to our
meeting. Mumps is the subject. We consult ever so long. Finally Grace Payne, Ruth Anderson
and Lydia Marstaller are moved to suite 12. Miss Dart is with us at sunset, a nice meeting
then supper then meeting again of girls from 7:30 to 8. (men in the turret). We pray for
the girls with the mumps. A telegram comes from Mr. S. in the p.m. with word that money
for Hachilah is all in. We are called together soon after being dismissed to do our Friday
work and Mr. Hoad stands at the door with a 50 dollar check in hand from Mr. S. Also a 100
dollar check from somewhere else. While I am sweeping the reception rooms Mr. H. comes in
and walks back and forth. When we are called together I go back to tell him there is a
fire in the kitchen and he goes down. I go down later and ask him if he is comfortable. I
get him a rocking chair. Turret from 3 to 4. Too stormy to put up flag or can't get window
open.
Saturday, Feb. 14
We are in quarantine but I go over to Mr. Hastings' house. Mr. H sends
out to me his letter from Mr. S. I talk with Elma and Eva through the window and then walk
back with Mary, David and Marshall. They go to see Miss Rice. When I get over to the Bible
School meeting Miss Dart calls me out and tells me that Sandford and another man have gone
over to the house. I go right down to Bethesda and meet them in the hall as they are
starting for home. I stay with them until further word then walk to Higgins cottage with
them and back to Shiloh. I went to the turret from 10 to 12. Mr. Holland and Mr. Wakeman
come to bring our shepherd's love to us. People meet at 1. The Bible School meets at 3.
Mr. Hastings comes in and we pray for him. Avis gets a note from Herbert asking her to
tell me that he is ready to sign an armistice if I will quote some agreeable terms.
Sunday, Feb. 15
I go to the turret from 10 to 12. When I come down I find Mary in the
hall waiting for me. She came over with her father in an awful storm. I stayed with her
all day. She went to Bible School a while. In the evening I was called to room # 1
with others to pray for Mr. Hastings. He talks to us quite a while. He said it did him
good to talk it out to us. We pray for him. He feels comforted and blessed and we get
blessed also. God's presence is with us very real. Charles, Anna and I stay up with him
all night. Lester (Matchett) stays too until he has to go and help get breakfast.
Monday, Feb. 16
Amon's birthday. I go and do my work and then to chapel from 9 to 10. Mary
goes with me. I come out after 10---was suffering very much with my head. Anna calls me to
the reception room and tells me that Mr. H. is feeling very bad and needs ministry so Mary
and I go up. Mr. Dustin, Mr. Hoad and Herbert come in. Mr. Dustin spoke of the time that
he drove out to So. Durham in the night and Papa gave him some hot coffee and I called
down and said, "put some of my milk in it." He never forgot it. Later, Mr. Hoad
was erasing something from a piece of paper. He told me it was a note he had started to
me. He started to write me a note expressing his appreciation for the way I cleaned and
fixed his room for him after he had been having some trials on that line. He said that
what came to him was, "Many daughters have done virtuously but thou excellest them
all." He said it was the character. He could see it in the way I did his room. I
stayed in the room with him most of the day. Avis was there a lot and Charles and Lester
some and Herbert most of the time. I looked after his food that day myself. His stomach
bothered him. In the evening he and Mary went home. God was real there through the day.
Avis spoke of it and said she thought she got more out of it than he did. She said she
wished she could have the quietness that he had, etc. I got life physically as well as
spiritually but felt very bad in the evening in meeting. Mr. Holland was with us.
Tuesday, Feb. 17
I went down to see Miss Rice. Avis and I went over to Mr. Hastings'
house. We stayed upstairs with the children 'till 3:30 then I went with Mary down to Mr.
Hastings' sitting room and Avis came a little later. We prayed for him.
Wednesday, Feb. 18
I find Mr. Hastings and Mary are in the office and I have a little talk
with Mr. H.
Thursday, Feb. 19
Mr. H. & Mr. McKenzie go over and see Mr. Coolidge.* Mr. H tells
the Bible School about it in the evening. A day of suffering for me. Turret from 9 to 10.
Ebenezer later. Miss Dart leaves us. We meet in the turret at 2 and have prayer for
Bethesda and for souls. Miss Dart meets me in the evening and tells me she feels I should
eat something. Mr. H. asks me to go down and see Miss Rice for him the next day and I do.
I suffer considerably in the evening.
* The Shiloh lawyer.
Friday, Feb. 20
Mary H. stays with me day after day. She has trouble with pain in her
arm and I pray for her and it leaves, several times. I went down and saw Miss Rice and fed
her her lunch. Avis goes home in p.m. Mr. H. is in Bible School room in the evening. I
copy some of what he says. He says I am writing too much and I stop.
Saturday, Feb. 21
Herbert's birthday. I get up some after 7 and go down back of the
kitchen and find Elma there in the team and find her feet are cold so I bring her over to
the kitchen and warm them and then take her back. Mr. H. and Mr. McKenzie go on foot.
I go to room # 1 and pray. I seek God. I go to the turret at 1. Grace
comes up after 2 and we have a good time praying together. Miss Dart is feeling very
poorly. We stay in the turret until 4. Herbert invites me and Grace down to Mrs.
Brown's * for supper and some through the evening. I start to go. He wants Avis to
come too. She goes but I turn back when nearly to the house because I feel just dreadfully
physically and Mary is here and needs me with her. Mrs. Brown sends me some beans, 2
hermits, 2 gems and Herbert sends me a piece of candy with the words, "answer my
question" on it. Meaning his question about signing an armistice if some agreeable
terms are quoted.
*Mrs. Annie Brown, Grace's mother. FEH
Sunday, Feb. 22
A year ago I was in Boston, landed there Friday evening. Today I am
living in room # 12 in Shiloh Proper. While I was dusting the reception rooms Elma came in
and she went with me to chapel from 9 to 10. I have been out of meeting since then and she
has been with me most of the time. My head is very bad. Started burning in meeting and has
been ever since. Mary tells me that she thinks I will be the bride of Christ just as much
as Miss Dart or Mr. S. She thinks I am lovely, etc. and wishes she was more like me and
loved Jesus as I do, Etc. Bible School in chapel. Jesus meets my heart in Ebenezer as I
seek Him in my need. Dear Jesus, I do love Him. I go down later to room # 2, shutting
doors between. (Mr, Hastings is occupying room # 1 because Joseph Anderson is sent to
Ebenezer suspicious of mumps.) Elma comes in with me. In the evening Mr. Hastings is very
bad off, his nerves. We gather a few in room # 2 and pray for him. I have to take Elma and
Mary over to Alice's (Gott) room on account of mumps. Elma can't stay in this house. They
plan for Avis and me to sleep in with Charity (Brown) who has the mumps. Also Iva
(O'Connor) and Ruth Kelsey will sleep in our room. It seems like an awfully big mountain
to me. But I think of following the Lamb whithersoever He goeth. Later in the evening it
seems as though I could not go and make the shift (in the turret). I say something to Anna
and Susie about not seeing any sense in it. Anna looks very serious and as though she was
suffering. She makes other arrangements though. I told her I did not want her to do that.
Afterwards my heart smites me and I feel very sorry and all broken up over having said
what I did and felt as I did. I confess my sins to Anna and Susie. I need meekness.
Monday, Feb. 23
Quarantine is on. Charles calls me out of meeting to the office. Mr. H.
is there and speaks to me about Mary staying here with me and he goes home. After 4 Mary
and I walk over. I tell him that Mr. Mc Kenzie wanted to see him so he walks back with us.
He is feeling the loneliness. He said going into that room was to him as it would be to me
to go over to the log cabin all alone.* Mary and I went to Bible lesson and then at 8 we
went to the turret 'till 9. I was much burdened over Mr. Hastings' need. The quarantine
shut him off from the Bible School and that was where he got the ministry that lifted him
above, etc. God helped us in prayer and I came down from the turret at rest over him and
his family, knowing the will of God would be done.
*Log cabin was located across Pinkham brook, behind Bethesda and
near the "mouth of the brook". FEH
Tuesday, Feb. 24
Mr. Hastings was over a few minutes about noon. He told Mary everything
changed all over that night or that the room did. She told him we prayed and he said he
thought somebody must be handling it. I go to the turret from 12 to 2, rather a suffering
time, but I have faith.
Wednesday, Feb. 25
Turret from 6 to 8. Another suffering time. Lesson at 9 on Nazariteship
and earnest prayers until we knew we were Nazarites, "as He is so are we---" and
the Holy Spirit to work it out and lead us into the fullness of it. Mary Robinson's
funeral at 1:30. A very stormy, drifty day. I feel so lonesome today, almost as if there
was nothing to live for. Had a little breakfast after the Bible lesson. Papa is over and
says they want them to move from the Old Ladies Home to Olivet. I don't know how it will
come out. The old ladies feel bad about it. My head very bad and do not feel able to pray
but everything is all right.
Thursday, Feb. 26
Theodora's birthday. I go to Bible School meeting at 9 but my head is
so bad I come out after 10 and stay with Mary in the office. She is anxiously waiting for
her father to come. She can hardly wait. I go to the turret at 12 feeling so poorly that
it seems as though I cannot go and cannot do a thing in prayer. But it comes to me,
"Out of your nothing- ness, let God arise", and I go and after quite a while He
does arise and I evangelize the whole world and know it. I applied Calvary's stream to
every soul. I came down to find Mary happy. She has seen her father and her pressure has
turned to joy. God meets me in the p.m. as I wait on Him. Mr. H. stays over night here at
Shiloh. I take Mary's clothes over to suite 33 to air the mumps germs out after she goes
to bed. At 3 we pray for Theodora--talk about her.
Friday, Feb. 27
We spend the entire day in prayer for souls and Mr. Hastings' trial.
This is Mr. S's "spiritual birthday". He wants it to be a great day for souls. I
get up about 6 and get Mary's clothes. She and her father go to Auburn (Courthouse). Avis
feeling very bad. She did not get up until in the forenoon. Miss Dart lets her go home.
She has a bad nose bleed after Miss Dart makes her a call. Very cold, windy and drifting.
Miss Dart tells me I do not need to try to stick to the meeting, that I can go to her
room. I do after a while. She comes up and writes to Mr. S. and reads her letter to me.
She spoke well of the Bible Class to him. She spoke to me about Mary. No sunset meeting.
Long, suffering wait for supper.
Saturday, Feb. 28
A cold day. I get into bed and seek the Lord and then go for a walk.
Mr. H. and Mary come back that evening. Case went against us.
Mr. H. is absolutely victorious. Coronet all over. Riding the waves. He comes in while we
are having meeting and talks to us some.
Sunday, Feb. 29
Suffering fearfully with my head all day. Can't stay in meeting. In
p.m. I go down to see Miss Rice. She wanted me to come when Mr. H did.
Monday, March 1
We had Bible lesson until noon. Mary and her father go home. Meeting at
3 and in the evening.
Tuesday, March 2
Boys working in the woods. Girls wash clothes after 10. I am miserable
physically. I go to Ebenezer after 10 and wait on the Lord a while but can't get much
good. After 12 I go over to see the Hastings children. After staying in the kitchen with
them a while Mary calls me into the front room and Elma sits in my lap all the afternoon.
Everybody leaves the room and still she sits there. It occurs to me that she may be tired
but is just staying because she knows I want her to. I ask and find that it is so but she
says she wants to stay with "Doryo". I say something more. She says but I
love Doryo and I want to stay with her. She stays and I play box* with her to entertain
her. When I leave the house Almon, Eva and Elma all kiss me of their own accord.
Herbert expected to go to the Coronet today. He calls for me
and I talk with him a few minutes and say good bye to him. Mama sends us a letter Papa got
from Enid telling of Floyd's having hemorrhaged (from the lungs) and in an American
hospital in Tampico, Mexico.** A Mr. Reed telephones to Papa from Portland offering some
places for people from Shiloh. He heard that Shiloh was breaking up.
*A game similar to tick-tack-toe, but with words.
** Floyd Clark had signed on aboard a tanker captained by Lester McKenzie who had been at
Shiloh. It was thought that the sea air would help in his struggle with tuberculosis. He
would die in 1921 at the young age of 30. FEH
Wednesday, Mar. 3
Went over to Hastings and found Elma had gone to school. I felt as
though all the glory was gone but I enjoyed Eva and Almon. Miss Dart and Mrs. Barcalow
call in while I am there on their way over to see Mrs. Latham who died the night
before.
Thursday, Mar. 4
Mr. Hastings & Mary are over. He calls for Mary just after dark, to
go home. I go and ask him if there is anything we could do for him. He was feeling very
badly, felt need of ministry of the Bible School. So I spoke to Charles and we gathered a
few in Ebenezer. He felt better very soon and prayed for Grace (Brown) and Philip
(Holland). We prayed for him and he went home. Avis came into my room during the 6
hours, shaking from head to foot and crying out loud (Miss Kierstead had been telling
about Floyd). After 4 I went in and spoke to Miss Dart about Avis and she let her go
home until Sunday. At 7:30 we meet. Miss Dart calls me to her and tells me she does not
feel I should fast.
Friday, Mar. 5
Grace & I go over to the Hastings house. Mr. Brown takes us over. I
find God real and have a good time. After sunset Mr. H. and Mary & I pray for Grace
then they pray for me then we pray for Mary then we pray for Mr. H.
Saturday, Mar. 6
Very windy, stormy day. I have a good day spiritually.
Sunday, Mar. 7
Mrs. Latham's funeral. Mr. H. and Mary come over in the evening. He to
a father's meeting. He tells me what is on about the families. They stay all night.
Monday, Mar. 8
Prayer for Mrs. Latham's sons and brother. Prayer over the important
issues on about the families. Young men have to shovel and cut wood in p.m. Girls go to
the turret in companies. I go down to the cottage and stay with Theodora until 3. I
talk with Mr. H. and Mary in Ebenezer. They have no wood at home, had to divide the
children up in different places. I wrote Mr. H. a long note about a subject that is
troubling me greatly. I give him the note in p.m. and he says some things which bring
great relief to me. Avis comes back at night. We cannot sleep. I do not go to sleep until
after 2 a.m. Papa sends two oranges he had given to him, one to me and one to Miss Dart.
Tuesday, Mar. 9
Mr. Holland is here. He talks in the chapel at 9.
Change on. "Work" or "Can work". Mr. Hastings goes to work.
Also, Mr. Gleason and Mr. Tupper. * Macaroni comes from Boston to the Bible School. Mr. H.
too tired and sick to come home, stays at Nelson's.** Mary so desirous of being with her
father. Avis goes back home and takes Eva with her.
*At the Worumbo Mill where
construction is going on for the new addition which would later be called the "new
mill".
** The Nelsons had a home in Lisbon Falls.
Wednesday, Mar. 10
In the p.m. Mary receives a letter from her father asking her to
come over, etc. I clean reception rooms, my room and do lamps. Mr. & Mrs. Fenderson
are here.
Thursday, Mar. 11
Papa and Mama are over. Mary goes to Lisbon Falls in the p.m. At the 3
o'clock hour we meet in room #1 and pray for Lila. State
investigator is around. A day of suffering for me.
Friday, Mar. 12
Lila comes to my room early, before I am up and I kiss her good bye and tell
her I love her dearly. She expresses her love for me. I am so thankful to God for melting
our hearts together---for changing her and changing me and bringing unity and perfect
love. How I used to cry to God to do this very thing when it seemed that such a change
could never possibly be worked out. I am so thankful. Chapel at 9. Mr.
Holland tells of the good attitude of the investigator, etc. Bible School in room #
1 at 10 with Miss Dart. She speaks of Mary. I go down with Theodora until after 4.
John comes home dead tired. He goes night and day and does not take time to eat. He
goes all day without eating any breakfast---too tired mornings to get up in time to eat. I
try out Mary's fat* and iron hankies. John thanks me for coming. I tell him it is a
pleasure. Had day of intense suffering over what Miss Dart said and what I think she may
be thinking, etc. I write her a note after 4. She hunts downstairs and up for me and finds
me in my room. She said my note sounded as though I was pressed and she spoke so nicely to
me. It was such a relief. She said that when I was not pressed she could feel the
spontaneous flow in my notes. Miss Dart with us at sunset meeting. We had a nice time. She
tells of a dream she had.
*A process that used to be commonly practiced. Scraps of suet were
fried then the rendered fat drained off. I recall eating these "fat scraps"
between bread & butter. FEH
Saturday, Mar. 13
Miss Dart's stove acts very bad. It looked very serious for a long time. They
smothered it the best they could and after a good while got it down in the snow after
sending to Olivet or Bethesda for a fire extinguisher. It upset Miss Dart's nerves
completely and her limbs got numb and cold and her heart weak and it was hard for her to
breath. I went in and started to rub the back of her neck. She asked who it was. I said,
"Doris" and she said I must not be there. I said I wanted to be. She said,
"Oh, no, no, no"--that I was not strong enough. Some of the stronger ones like
Emma could come. I went down to room # 1 and we prayed for her. Charles went out and came
to the door later and said she came very near breathing her last, that if ever we prayed
to pray now. He said she had even given her parting messages to her people. We did pray. I
felt as though I must go into her room and pray for her or tell her she just couldn't
die---that we were holding right on to her. Love is just as strong as death is and she is
bound up in the bundle of life and we know it. We just know she is getting strength and
life every minute. It seemed to me as though I MUST hear that she was getting better and
soon word comes that she is breathing easier and can move her arms and the numbness is
gone she she needs strength. If ever I thanked God for anything in my life I did for that
and we continued ministering strength into her and we just knew that she was getting it.
By 2 p.m. Miss Dart sent word to the school that she was better. I
believe I never was more thankful for anything in my life and think of her thinking of us
and sending word to us so we would not be anxious. Charles telephoned to Elim about her.
Mr. Holland came up and Mr. Fenderson, Mr. Whittaker and Mr. McKenzie were all in there
with Dr. Miller.* Miss Dart could not even move her arms. After we received such a grave
message about her I went over to see Miss Mills. She told me the dream again and said that
it was a warning and she filled me up with faith and hope and wanted me to tell the school
it was a warning and not that she died at all.
A nice letter came from Mr. S. to the men. A
piece was in the paper giving the investigator's good report. A rainy day. Snow is
melting fast. Mary is still over with her father.
* Dr. Ida Miller came, with her family, to Shiloh, from Kansas. FEH
Sunday, Mar. 14
Mr. Hastings and Mary were over before 9. I take a note to him and he
says words that give me light and are very helpful. He said he had a great respect for me
and knew I wanted to be right. Miss Dart in her weakness sends word to Avis that she can
go home again.
Tuesday, Mar. 16
Frankie (Pulford) *comes to my room before 9 with a letter to her and
one to me from Floyd. I go home in the p.m. I write a letter to Floyd.
*Floyd Clark's mother's first husband was Charles D. Pulford. They
had six children. Following Pulford's death, his mother later married Welcome Clark,
Floyd's father. Welcome died at Shiloh in 1916 and is interred in the cemetery there.
Wednesday, Mar. 17
I wash my hair. Mail letter to Floyd and write to Enid.
Thursday, Mar. 18
I come over with Papa, walking on the crust and went to the turret at 9. Anna
comes up at 10 and tells of a letter from Mr. S to Miss Dart. Mr. & Mrs. Fenderson are
to go ahead with the Bible School until Miss Dart is able. A letter
from Mr. McKenzie about women going to work. Woman investigator is around making thorough
investigation.* Meeting in the chapel closes and Mr. & Mrs. F. come up to room
# 1 with the Bible School. I suffer greatly with my head in the p.m. and with dreadful
depression in the evening. I find a sandwich in my room about 5 p.m. Also a slice of white
bread and butter with meat. I am so sick and head paining so bad it seems imperative to
eat but I do not know whether to or not. For several Thursdays Miss Dart has been telling
me she did not feel that I should fast. I found out the next day that she was the
one who sent the sandwich in. I go to bed some after 10 feeling too bad to wait on
the Lord at all, positively unable to. Mr. Hastings' children go to Lisbon Falls.
* As a result of the suit petitioning for guardianship of the
Hastings children by their uncle, Melvin Bean, the State Board of Charities and
Corrections undertook an investigation of conditions at Shiloh. FEH
Friday, Mar. 19
I mail my letter to Enid. Woman investigator comes to shiloh Proper
before 9. She goes around to rooms, comes to the kitchen. I show her into back kitchen
where food is and answer some of her questions. As she is leaving I tell her I hope she is
as happy as we are. She says she doesn't think she would be under our conditions. Mr.
Holland comes back from Boston. I find a white biscuit and doughnut in my room. No sunset
meeting. I find the sabbath as I seek it in my room alone. So real, so good.
Saturday, Mar. 20
Mr. McKenzie came last night. The tower is to close at midnight tonight.
Stormy day, snowing. I am starting for home. Charles Marstaller took the last watch in the
tower, put the light out and came down after 12. I have afternoon and evening of great
suffering. It seems as though I would go under completely. In the early morning something
comes to me about being indomitable and I take the stand that I am indomitable and hold
it, though I am no better.
Sunday, Mar. 21
Very deep snow but Papa walks ahead of me. In the forenoon in Ebenezer
Jesus meets my heart and the tempest becomes a calm. How good to find Him again and know
He saves me. Mr. Jewell speaks in the 10:30 service. Mr. Holland has
meeting in the p.m. He reads Herbert's letter he received from Mr. S. He reads letter to
Miss Dart and the Bible School about getting barrels of beef and $500.00 for provisions
and then Mr. H takes the men to Ebenezer and Mr. Fenderson goes ahead with prayer in
chapel. Mr. Hastings and David are over. My head very bad and I'm feeling sick.
Monday, Mar. 22
Mr. & Mrs. Fenderson come up here in room # 3. Mr. Gleason brings word to the Bible School about Mr. Bean and Solomon's
interview with Mr. Hastings about Mr. Bean returning to Canada. In the evening I am
in great suffering.
Tuesday, Mar. 23
I go over and see the children. Mr. Bean and Solomon come while I am
there. Mr. H comes home from work extremely tired. His face is a picture of suffering.
David walks home with me.
Wednesday, Mar. 24
Papa comes over and he and Mr. Higgins go to see
the (Durham) school authorities about having our (Shiloh) children go to town schools.
My head feels better than usual. Mrs. Fenderson has a nice meeting with the girls about
work. I work all day. A beautiful, warm day Snow is melting fast.
Thursday, Mar. 25
Etta's birthday. I go over to Mr. Hastings' to stay with the children.
Mr. & Mrs. Nelson move away. The children's uncle makes his last
call and agrees to leave Mr. Hastings in charge of the children.*
*The agreement was that if my father
would seek employment and care for the children, their uncle Melvin and brothers, Sandford
& Solomon, would drop the suit. FEH
Friday, Mar. 26
I come over to Shiloh and then back there (the Hastings) again.
Saturday, Mar. 27
Still at the Hastings. I send Esther's (Sandford) letter to the men.
Sunday, Mar. 28
I come over (to Shiloh) before 9. Charles has the meeting with the
Bible School and again in the p.m. I, with his permission, go back to stay with the
children.
Monday, Mar. 29
Elsie (McArthur) & Madeline (Gifford) stop by. I tell Elsie about
Mr. Hastings' offer to care for her and it makes her very happy and relieved.
Tuesday, Mar. 30
I go over to Shiloh and find Papa and Avis there. Papa goes and asks
Mr. Fenderson if I can stay over at Mr. Hastings' until that woman* has been around.
He and Mrs. F. referred me to Miss Dart.
* The state investigator. FEH
Thursday, April 1
Papa & Mama are over. Mrs. Holland comes home and talks in the
chapel. Meeting closes about noon. Meeting of the corporation. Bible
School meeting later. Mr. Fenderson has it. We read in Deuteronomy. Papa & Mama
work in suite and I go over. Papa writes Miss dart a note about my going (to the
Hastings). He has a chat with her and comes back saying she does not feel good about the
appearance of it etc., etc., etc. I go over there to see Mr. Hastings---great suffering.
Friday, April 2
I stay over at the Hastings most of the day. I go to Shiloh then come
over home. Miss Dart said I could go home. I suffer much that evening.
Saturday, April 3
I get up late. I have a wretched day. Herbert calls by. In the p.m.
Avis and I go over to Mr. Hastings'. We find Eva with a big hole in the knee of her
stocking. Avis mends it. Mr. H comes home and after a while comes in and Avis says good
bye to him. Avis comes home and I stay. Mr. H feeling grave need of someone to stay with
the children. I tell him I can come over in the day time each day and come home at night.
Sunday, April 4
I get the breakfast. (At Shiloh) I find God real and it is easy to pray
and believe for a place and person for Mr. Hastings' family. I pray for Mr. S, etc., etc.
I come home at night to the Old Ladies Home. My head feels so much better than usual. So
good to feel like working and enjoy it and feel like living---some heart in life and
something to live for. So strange when it is such a blessing to be there and such a
blessing to them according to what they (the children) say about having me there---and yet
that I could not go when the need is so great and I could supply it and be better off
myself as well as their being better off.
Monday, April 5
Avis & I start off in the rain. She to Shiloh and I to Lisbon
Falls. Raining very hard later.
Tuesday, April 6
I go back to the Hastings in the p.m.
Wednesday, April 7
I go over and back in the same day. *
*Walking back and forth from Shiloh to Lisbon Falls. FEH
Thursday, April 8
I stay (at home) until 3 and help Mama pack and get ready.
Friday, April 9
Very great suffering in the evening. Avis comes over.
Saturday, April 10
I go to the train station before 7 and see Papa, Mama & Avis off.*
I suffer much in the forenoon but God meets me in the p.m. as I dwell on God's love and
the gospel. Marshall & David walk home with me at night.
* Doris's parents, Wendell & Annie and sister Avis are leaving
Shiloh. Avis is off to Worcester, Mass., to board with her Aunt Neve. Wendell & Annie
Are going to Quincy, Mass., where Enid is living with daughters, Marion & Arlene while
Floyd is at sea.
Sunday, April 11
Grace comes up after someone to go down and do the work (at the N. G.
Brown house). Her mother is very sick. She wants me. I go before 9. About noon Hope
(Kelsey) comes down and says that Miss Dart wants to see me before the meeting. Miss Dart
is with the school in the p.m., talks about Ruth*. She looks beautiful. She looks like she
had just come out of heaven. She is so lovely. Miss Dart was too tired to see me before
the meeting. I met her coming up the stairs later and she said she had not forgotten me.
In the evening she------
*Ruth of the Bible FEH
(next several pages are torn out and we jump to----April 29. FEH
Thursday, April 29
We watch all day, in Ebenezer, for the letter
about closing the turret but it doesn't come. When I come down we meet in suite 30.
We do not separate until about 2 a.m. After I have been in bed a few minutes Louisa
(Marstaller) comes in and tells me that Esther S and Miss Maria Tonneson are here. They
came about 1:45 and went right to the turret. Some of the girls went up.
Friday, April 30
We meet in turret at 9. I leave at 10. Head is very bad. I do not go
back. They expected the turret to close at sunset. Later in the p.m. Miss C. Tonneson and
Grace Hughey bring a letter to Esther from her father saying that the turret is to
"continue". Mrs. Fenderson comes to my room in the p.m. and asks me about
Esther S. rooming with me. After supper Elsie and I go over to the little house* and find
out about the trial. Things went in Mr. Hastings' favor but no decision given yet. They
are giving him a chance to make good. So neither of them have guardianship at present.
*Brother Marshall tells me that the
"little house" (in So. Durham) was given to our father by Ernest Marstaller. It
sits north of the former Charles Marstaller farm on route # 125. FEH
Saturday, May 1
Mary comes over in the p.m. I seek the Lord for quite a long time and
find him. I go over to the little house in the evening.
Sunday, May 2
Esther S. and those from Boston speak in the p.m. service. We have
communion. I go over to the Hastings again.
Monday, May 3
A letter comes from Avis. She has arrived in Worcester.
Wednesday, May 5
Miss Haines (the investigator) is here for
the second time. My head so bad I ask Anna to get someone else to go to the Spring
House* to get the men's lunches. I fix paper around my bed in the evening after
washing it.
* Sylvan Spring House was the Shiloh owned farm just left of the
Elisha Beal house (later the Arthur Sweets). Shiloh horses were kept there. After the
"scattering" the farm was purchased by Rufus Sanford--no relation to Frank
Sandford. FEH
Thursday, May 6
Mary came over to see me. We go down to her mother's grave in the p.m.
She shows me her mother's picture taken after she died. The dear child is missing her so.
She feels so lonesome. As she looked at her mother's grave and Miss Rice's near by she
said it seemed to her that she had lost two mothers. Then she said she didn't know what
she would ever do if anything should happen to me. It would seem to her as though she had
nobody left. She does so want me to go over to South Durham with her. They can have that
house. Ernest went over today to give Mr. Hastings the deed. Mr. H and Mary and Almon
expect to go over tonight. Mary expects to begin cleaning the house. I received a letter
from Papa today.
May 7
In the evening Elsie and I take a walk to the little house and stop a
few minutes. When we come back we see John and he invites us up to his suite. We go and
have a pleasant time with him. He and Theodora can't bear the thought of the "40" breaking up.
Saturday, May 8
Sick today.
Sunday, May 9
In the p.m. I go to the woods over across from where Lee Smith used to
live and have such a nice time. I stop wearing my glasses that day because I may not have
them right. In the evening we gather in the chapel and John, Philip and Benjamin play
their instruments with Esther at the organ. Later they sing. It was very nice. Scattering is all through the air. Some feel SURE that we will.
Monday, May 10
Elsie is sick. Her hands are so crippled she can't comb her hair. My
eyes hurt so I can hardly stand it. A letter from Papa. He wants to go to the limit in
getting my eyes attended to. He wants me to come to Quincy. A birthday letter from Avis
with 2 hankies in it. In evening I work in suite 29. I walk up from the Spring house with
Alice Shaw.
Tuesday, May 11
The turret closes at sunset. The first night it
has been left in darkness and unoccupied for over 20 years. Meeting of the Bible School
called at 7:30. Mr. Fenderson reads us a message from our teacher written with his blue
pencil.
"You've been a true little Bible School---indomitable---true blue. God be with you as
you "CLOSE" gradually, wisely, orderly and loyal to the interests of the Kingdom
to the last.
Your teacher with LOVE
Turret and Bible School closed the same night.
Wednesday, May 12
Nice letter from our teacher to the "40". I go over to Bethel
about dark and see----
---(rest of page torn off. We pick up on the next page on May 13,
Doris's 28th birthday.) FEH
Thursday, May 13
---a message from Mr. S saying I had been pure gold and a blessing to my teachers.
Received a letter from Mama and Avis and one from Papa yesterday. The 40 go out on Gates
of Praise and have our picture taken. Big supper. Meat stew, raised white bread and
butter, beet pickles, lemon pie. Mr. Fenderson throws meeting open. John & Theodora,
Mr. & Mrs. Fenderson, Miss Maria Tonneson, Grace Hughey, Mr. Hoad, Mr. Dustin,Van
& Etta , Grace Brown and Anna all express themselves very nicely about me ,making it
very pleasant for me and then Mr. Fenderson closes that and asks Mr. Hoad to pray for me.
Then we go to Olivet to sing. Lester Matchett, Ruth Brown and all that can be gathered
together are there. I come home some time after 11. I have ice cream and cake and
come to my room and find a bar of chocolate, banana, orange, bunch of May flowers and a
frosted cake. In the morning I find a lemon and sugar from Susie Payne on my bureau.
I received a nice letter from Esther (Sandford) and a bag that her father had given
her with the words, "A sweet savor".
(The rest of this page is torn off.) FEH
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